


Take Me Away

by Idisch_von_Swedish



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Character Death, Drama & Romance, Emma In Denial, Emma's pov, F/F, Glasses!Emma, Hook is only in the first part, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Not Much Smut tbh, Possibly OOC but not so much if you think about it, Swan Queen Supernova, Ten a.m. On Mondays Lezzy, no magic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-10
Updated: 2016-12-10
Packaged: 2018-09-06 20:58:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 24,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8769103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Idisch_von_Swedish/pseuds/Idisch_von_Swedish
Summary: Emma works at a cafe and admires this beautiful woman, a regular, who appears to be everything Emma is not. Rich, successful, someone. Unfortunately also: unapproachable. But one day the routine is broken, something is off, and Emma finally gets a chance to talk to her. It doesn't go particularly well but it's the beginning of a friendship that turns out to be so much more, and so much more complicated. For starters, Emma. Is. Not. Gay. She has a boyfriend. That aside, something strange is definitely going on with Regina Mills and Emma doesn't quite dare to think what might be going on in her home.





	1. Telling The Truth, Telling Me Lies

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pearsonasnic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pearsonasnic/gifts).



> Hello! I'm alive! I've fought major writer's blocks but I made it to deadline for this Swan Queen Supernova! Phew. Now I'm ready to go back to write on WWCI and my various Swan Queen oneshots :3
> 
> A big thank you to Greyet, who stepped in to beta last minute. To Sam, who also helped with words and phrasing. And to Nic (who made a lovely trailer for this fic, link at the end of this note) and all the other Swensatan girls for boosting my confidence. I'm very grateful for you all!
> 
> PLEASE be sure to check the additional tags for trigger warnings!  
> See you at the end of the fic ;)
> 
>  
> 
> [TRAILER](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5t0vULN6KeI)
> 
>  
> 
> If you'd prefer to read this as a [SUPERCORP AU](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10546984/chapters/23292116) I'm doing a rewrite.

Emma slowly straightened and backed away, panting heavily. There was blood, so much blood.

"Regina?" she called breathlessly, as if the air had suddenly run out of oxygen.

There was no answer so she tried louder.

"Regina!"

With her heart pounding she searched the elegant house, following the trail of red stains up the stairs like a bloodhound. The door she ended up in front of had a small WC sign on it, blood smeared on the handle, but strangely: no lock. There was no lock on the bathroom door. Emma knocked urgently on the dark wood.

"Regina? It's just me," she called as reassuringly as she could manage. "He's... He's gone."

When there was still no answer she opened the door, and her stomach churned at the sight.

"No," she breathed out.

 

*** * ***

 

 _There had been a woman who would regularly visit the cafe, alone, just to sit and slowly sip on a cup of coffee. She would always order the same type of coffee, often stay long after finishing her cup, and Emma clearly remembered the first day they had spoken beyond_ _courtesies._

* * *

Emma's co-worker sighed heavily and whined about some classy lady in the back.

"We're almost full and she hasn't bought anything yet. I asked what I could get her and she went " _oh, nothing"_ and I just can't deal with that right now. My hormones are off the chart and I'm allergic to snobs!"

"Yeah, Ashley, I know," Emma calmly replied to the four months pregnant woman. "Take over here while I go talk to her."

She located the small table and it's occupant, recognizing her as the slow-sipping coffee woman. It wasn't her usual time to be there – which was Mondays and Thursdays at ten a.m. – but who was Emma to keep track, anyway? Except that she was pretty intrigued by this woman in particular.

She was beautiful, always impeccably dressed, with perfectly conditioned, dark brown hair just barely reaching her shoulders. In a way, she appeared to be everything Emma was not. Rich, successful, _someone_. Emma had spent a fair amount of time to ponder about who she was and what she was working with, curious to see if she truly was the snob Ashley assumed she was, but the brunette always seemed so unapproachable.

Today, though, her clothes as well as hair looked considerably less perfect, and when Emma cleared her throat to get the woman's attention, she flinched in a rather unexpected manner.

"I'm sorry, do you need me to go?" she immediately asked, her mahogany eyes briefly meeting Emma's but not maintaining eye contact.

The reaction stunned Emma, who took a moment to adjust. There had been fear in those eyes. Why would she be scared? And of what? Surely, the risk of getting sent out wasn't _that_ frightening?

"Um, well, technically... Are you waiting for someone?"

The brunette almost looked hopeful for a moment before she cast down her eyes and shook her head gently.

"I'm afraid not," she mumbled and moved her fidgety hands from the table into her lap. "I...forgot my wallet and didn't realize until I got here."

She had contemplated to lie, then opted for the truth, then told another lie. Emma could tell, she always could. It was in that moment she realized that there was no outerwear in sight, despite it almost being November and definitely not summer weather anymore. She frowned and shifted her weight, torn between rules and emotion. She couldn't throw the woman out in the cold just like that, now could she?

"Did you forget your coat, too?"

It was meant to be humoristic but clearly didn't get received that way. There was another flash of fear in the woman's eyes and she quickly arose from her chair.

"I'm sorry, I'll go."

"No, wait!" Emma exclaimed, holding her hands up in a hindering gesture.

There was something off with the whole thing and she felt obligated to find out what it was. Plus, she was curious. To get rid of the of the unwanted attention drawn by her exclamation, she gave the brunette a reassuring smile and pointed at her previous seat.

"I'll pay for your coffee."

"I don't need charity," she said dismissively, straightening her back.

So, Ashley might be right about her, she did show snobbish tendencies. Emma briefly considered to just let her go but decided to give it another try.

"Of course you don't," she amended. "Let me rephrase it. Can I buy you some coffee?"

"And why would you do that?" the woman questioned with slightly narrowed eyes.

Emma hadn't exactly prepared an explanation and gave a small shrug.

"I have an employee discount?"

The brunette furrowed her brows but offered a faint smile as she reluctantly sat down again.

"Alright, then," she agreed, clasping her hands on the tabletop.

Emma flashed her one of her best smiles, relieved and even more curious. It hadn't been much of an explanation, really, but clearly enough to convince the woman to accept her offer. She threw a glance back toward the counter, where Ashley was busy trying to do two people's jobs by herself.

"I'll just assist my colleague for a moment, then I'll be right back," she promised.

A nod from the brunette later, Emma was on her way toward Ashley and the people lining up in front of the counter.

"Thank God, you're ba-"

"Change of plans," Emma interrupted. "I'll help you with a couple customers but then I'll be gone for a bit again."

"Emma!" Ashley complained, but they didn't have time to argue.

A few minutes later Emma returned to the woman at the small table in the back and slid onto the opposite chair of her as she put the latte she had prepared between them. She had even made the effort to create a flower motif, which had turned out quite good.

"Thank you," the brunette said with sudden earnest in her voice.

Her hands encircled the warm cup and she gazed down at it, the corners of her mouth lifting ever so slightly as she noticed the art. But she didn't show any further signs of thinking to drink it.

"It's not poisoned, I promise."

The brunette let out an amused puff of air through her nose.

"I didn't think it was, but now I'm getting suspicious," she said with a small smile, glancing up to briefly meet Emma's gaze.

Emma hesitated, she didn't want to impose, but her gut told her something wasn't right. No one just 'happened' to forget both their coat and wallet during this time of the year and didn't go back to get it.

"So, what brings you here today?" she asked, hoping to sound casual.

"What do you mean?" the brunette questioned warily.

"It's not exactly the season to walk around without outerwear," Emma tentatively pointed out. "They predicted freezing degrees tonight."

"Well, I appreciate the coffee, but I don't think my reasons to be here are any of your business."

While the woman's tone was sharp, her refusal to look Emma in the eyes was sending contradictory signals that greatly confused the blonde. But there was only so much she could do for a reluctant stranger.

"You're right," she agreed and got up from her seat. "I should get back to work. Enjoy your latte."

* * *

_The woman had stayed until the cafe closed a couple of hours later, and by the time she left it had been raining outside. Emma had felt sorry for her. A bit worried, as well, when she didn't show up the following Monday. Or Thursday. The next Monday again, however, she had come in as usual._

* * *

"Hey! I was afraid I had scared you away," Emma half-jokingly greeted the brunette, who gave a tentative smile in return.

"No, I've just been busy, that's all."

"And you found your wallet?"

"Yeah, it was never lost. Like I said, I had just left it at home," the woman replied, bringing the item up from her purse. "So, today I can pay for myself!"

She gave a small, awkward chuckle and Emma thought that whichever snobbish tendencies she had showed last time, they seemed completely gone today. In fact, the brunette had always been polite before, at least as far as Emma was concerned. Perhaps it was just her dressing style that provoked Ashley, or – quite possibly – her stunningly good looks. Not that the younger blonde wasn't pretty, but she was... Well, kind of ordinary. There was nothing ordinary about the brunette. Except perhaps how she took her coffee.

When Emma cleared her table later she found a note there with some money folded into it. " _To Emma, for last time,_ " it read. She threw a glance toward Ruby, her co-worker for the day, before putting both the coffee money and the note in her back pocket. No need to share when it had her name on it, right? Which, by the way, did impress her a little. They had name tags, sure, but they were tiny and one had to squint pretty hard to be able to read them.

Emma's boyfriend wasn't too happy finding the note on the kitchen table in her apartment that evening, though.

"What's this?" he asked suspiciously.

Emma turned around from the stove and smirked when she saw what he was referring to.

"Why?" she teased. "Afraid there might be someone else?"

"Not particularly, no," he replied and sat down at the table, relaxing a bit. "Not even _you_ would be stupid enough to leave this lying around if that was true."

"Hey!" Emma exclaimed, pointing at him with her pasta fork. "Watch it, or you'll be without dinner tonight!"

The brown-haired man grinned and leaned back in his chair.

"So demanding," he teased.

"But you like it," Emma countered and turned around to check on the spaghetti.

"Now, that's something you've made up, love," he objected. "But as long as you're a good woman and cook for me, I won't complain."

She clenched her jaw and tightened her grip of the pasta fork, deciding to not even bother to respond. They both cooked, actually. When they weren't having takeout, anyway. One of these days she would probably go through with her threat and deny him dinner.

"Did you get mad now?" he wondered, and sighed when she didn't reply. "It was a _joke_ , Emma."

"Well, I didn't find it _funny_ , Killian."

It would've been alright if it happened once in a while, but this was a common occurrence. They would joke around and tease each other, then he would say something offensive and Emma would wonder why she was still with him. Why they got together in the first place. But she knew why.

He had been very persistent in his attempts to win her heart and though she hadn't been the least bit interested at first, she had come to appreciate his efforts. It always felt good to be desired, and she loved him for loving her. Like her biological parents hadn't, because they'd given her away, and like neither of her foster parents had, either, because they'd never let her stay. Killian wanted to be with her, despite all her flaws. He wanted a future with her. What more could she possibly ask for?

* * *

_Respect. Self respect. She knew now that a relationship where only one part was in love, didn't have much of a future. It was better to be alone than with someone whom she didn't truly love. But she wasn't alone, not anymore. Well, hadn't been for some time, at least. Now, she didn't know. She really didn't know how to deal with all of this. With a hopeless sigh she returned to her memories._

* * *

"Your usual?"

It was ten sharp at Thursday morning and the brunette was punctual as always.

"Yes, please."

Emma nodded and didn't hurry to prepare the coffee. There was rarely any rush of customers at this time and she wanted to try make another flower.

"You didn't have to pay me back, you know."

She glanced up at the woman, who actually held her gaze this time.

"I wanted to."

Emma gave her a smile and got a matching one in return, then placed the decorated latte on the counter and accepted the money handed to her. It wasn't her intention but her eyes briefly flickered down to the woman's wallet and she got a glimpse of it's contents before it was closed. Perplexed, she put the money she had just received in the cashregister. Most people had lots of stuff in their wallets – cards, photos, receipts – but this one had been almost empty. To Emma, it seemed a bit odd. But what did she know, maybe the woman had more than one wallet.

Half an hour later the people next to the brunette left, and Emma volunteered to clear their table.

"She's actually nice," she pointed out to Ashley, the younger blonde merely rolling her eyes as Emma headed over to fetch the dirty dishes.

The brunette looked up with a bright smile as she approached, and she almost thought there must be someone behind her. But there wasn't. The smile was meant for her and she felt ridiculous for the sudden wave of happiness that surged through her body. Clearly, she was deprived of affection, because a simple friendly smile from a stranger shouldn't trigger such a reaction. Or should it? Emma smiled back, either way, and tried to think of something to say. Unapproachable had changed to approachable, providing an opportunity to get some of the answers she'd been seeking forever.

"Do you want a refill?"

Yeah, because she had only asked that a hundred – well, not really – times before and always gotten the same answer.

"No, thanks."

Emma gave a short nod and began to clear the next table, glancing up toward the brunette every few seconds with the intention to continue the conversion, but none of the lines she came up with seemed good enough. When the woman suddenly spoke on her own accord, Emma momentarily lost focus and nearly knocked a glass over.

"I'm Regina, by the way."

A beautiful name for a beautiful woman. Resuming with her task, Emma replied almost automatically.

"I'm Emma!" she said, before remembering the note. "Which you obviously already know."

"Yes," Regina smiled, "it says on your..."

She briefly looked down at Emma's chest and made a vague gesture.

"I'm amazed anyone can actually read these," Emma commented. "Even with my glasses on I can hardly make out what they say."

She pushed her glasses more firmly into place to accentuate her point and felt pleased with herself when the brunette chuckled lightly. It was always nice to be able to brighten someone's day, if only ever so slightly. But she didn't get paid primarily to chat with customers.

"Well, I guess these aren't gonna clean themselves," she reluctantly declared. "Are you sure you don't want anything?"

Regina didn't decline immediately and Emma waited expectantly for her answer. If she ordered something else, this would be the first time. At this cafe, anyway.

"I don't really know what you have," she said, eventually. "I just come here for my coffee."

Remarkable. Change was in the air and Emma felt oddly excited.

"We have all sorts of things. To eat, we have sandwiches, salads, pastries, cookies, cake, pie... I think it's raspberry today."

Regina looked as indecisive as before.

"Come have a look," Emma suggested, and the brunette slowly complied and followed her to the counter.

* * *

_Regina had finally decided on a kale and quinoa salad. Why pick something tasty when she could have the most disgusting thing they served? But somehow, Emma hadn't been surprised. It had fit the picture of this classy business lady. She'd said she liked it and eaten everything, and then – for the first time ever – she'd been in a hurry to leave the cafe._

_It hadn't exactly become routine, the snack thing, but every now and then Regina would order something to eat to her latte. Always a salad or, if they had the right kind, a slice of pie. She had mentioned one day that apple pie was her favourite, then looked at Emma briefly through her lashes before averting her eyes, a faint blush tinting her cheeks. Emma hadn't quite understood the brunette's sudden shyness, not until much later, but she had smiled and made a joking promise to always serve apple pie on Regina's days from_ _then_ _on._

_The joke had somehow become reality, and as November turned to December and December to January – in a blur of Christmas and New Year, celebrated casually with Killian, his brother, and his brother's fiancée – Emma's life had started to revolve more and more around those days. Those mornings. She had begun to look forward to their conversations, which had become increasingly more personal each time. Regina had told her about her job, finally stilling some of Emma's curiosity, but been equally interested in what the blonde had to say about her own job as a waitress. Emma hadn't realized how much their brief, but regular, interactions meant to her until she got the stomach flu and had to stay at home for almost a week._

* * *

Emma tried to concentrate on the book in her hands but her mind kept drifting. Had Regina read this book? If she had, what did she think of it? What kind of books did she like? Emma would have to ask next time they met, which, _oh_. She'd miss Monday, too, because she couldn't show up at the cafe still vomiting. Unless she wanted the customers, Regina included, to catch her bug, but obviously she didn't want that.

To her surprise she didn't miss Killian at all, almost appreciated the break. They kept contact through calls and texts, of course, but Emma found herself quickly losing interest whenever they talked. She was even reluctant to tell him when she was back at work, but couldn't come up with any excuse to why she should lie. It was with a sigh she admitted she was on her way there and just like she'd predicted, he immediately invited himself over for the evening. "Ok," she simply agreed, and he didn't seem deterred.

Her mood improved upon entering the cafe, where a grinning Ruby instantly started to fill her in on everything she'd missed while being sick. After a few spectacular stories, the tall brunette suddenly looked smug and waggled her eyebrows.

"Oh, and, um, Lezzy asked for you."

"Who?" Emma asked confusedly, pausing with her task to direct her full attention to her co-worker.

"You know, Ten a.m. on Mondays Lezzy?"

Emma stared at her, dumbfounded. She was just joking, right? Regina was a _friend_ , or was at least becoming one. Clearly she didn't...?

"What?"

"She totally checks us out all the time, you really haven't noticed?" Ruby said, brows raised and a smirk in place.

Emma slowly shook her head, her eyes wide and uncomprehending.

"I mean, not in a disrespectful way, she's not like a pervert or anything," Ruby hurriedly added. "But it's definitely noticeable. Probably easier for me to observe though, since you're her favourite. I swear, every time you have your back toward her-"

"Okay!" Emma cut her off, already ill at ease and not wanting to hear any more details. "I get it."

And then she did, truly, as if a light bulb went off in her head – get it. Everything suddenly made sense. The dazzling smiles, the interest in her obviously very ordinary and boring life, the occasional shyness and inability to hold her gaze, the blushing. Emma resumed with her task at hand, her mind racing as she processed the unexpected news. She gave a small whimper as she realized...

"I've made her hearts."

It was Ruby's turn to look confused.

"Hearts?"

"You know, latte art," Emma said weakly. "I know we usually don't do that but I've been practising, starting with flowers and then varied them with different heart designs."

"Interesting," Ruby said seductively. "No, but seriously, why are you freaking out? It's not like I just told you she's a murderer? I'm sure we have plenty of lesbian customers, only that this lady stands out because she's a regular and has grown to like you. It could still be merely friendly?"

Emma was stuck on the first question.

"I'm not freaking out," she declared, not entirely convincingly. "I'm just trying to take in all this information and come to terms with the fact that my newfound friendship is a lie."

"Emma, there's no need to be overdramatic," Ruby chided her colleague and gave a small laugh. "Are you afraid she's gonna infect you with her gay germs or something? Cause I assure you, that's not really how it works. You see, you need to pass a number of tests to be accepted as a true lesbian."

"Yeah, yeah," Emma chuckled, appreciating the attempt to brighten her mood. "But I should probably set her straight, right?"

"You might have trouble with that."

"Ruby!"

The tall brunette barely stifled a laugh.

"Couldn't help myself! But okay, I'll be serious now," she promised. "You might want to communicate your disinterest at some point, yes. Maybe just casually mention your boyfriend next time you talk to her?"

"Ugh, don't remind me of him," Emma grimaced.

"Hit a rough patch?" Ruby asked sympathetically and was answered with a noncommittal nod. "I'm sorry, relationships certainly aren't all roses. But you'll work it out, I'm sure of it."

Emma wasn't as sure.

* * *

  _She had been nervous that Thursday, still not fully convinced that Ruby's observations were true and unsure of how to act if they actually were. "Just mention Killian," she'd told herself, only to realize she didn't want him to be part of her and Regina's little bubble. At all. Another option for 'communicating her disinterest' had been sought, but half past nine she had simply given up and decided to bite the bullet and be blunt._

* * *

"Emma?" Ashley called from the counter.

Emma was currently loading the dishwasher and quickly started the machine and emerged from the kitchen upon hearing her name.

"Yeah?"

"She took one look at me and just turned in the door!" Ashley complained, equal parts angered and hurt. "What the fuck is her problem?"

"Um, who?" Emma wondered dumbly, then noticed the time which she had completely forgotten about for the past thirty minutes.

"Ten am?" Ashley hinted and Emma nodded briskly.

"Yeah, I just realized. Did she really just leave like that? No explanation? Maybe she got an important call or..."

"She didn't get a call," Ashley deadpanned. "She probably thought you were still sick and decided not to bother with coffee today. Apparently it's only worth it if you're here. Or, maybe, she spotted the blueberry pie. Yeah, don't think I haven't noticed that you always insist on apple when she's coming here."

Her tone had softened to mild banter for the last comment and Emma felt a slight blush creeping up her neck at being found out. But time was of the essence so she hurried across the cafe to peer out the door and spotted the back of a familiar figure not too far away. Without hesitation she exited the building and jogged after her. Then, and only then, did Emma's nervousness make itself known again. What was she actually doing? But it was a little late to change her mind and she resolutely reached for the retreating woman's arm.

"Regina!" she called, her fingers brushing lightly against grey fabric for a split second before the brunette startled and winced away from her.

Emma stood, dumbfounded, with her hand still lifted. Had she done something wrong? Was Regina mad at her? Could she read her mind and knew what she had planned to say? Then, almost as quickly as she had winched away, the brunette turned around to face her, chocolate eyes instantly brightening.

"Emma," she greeted with a small smile, sounding relieved.

"I, uh," Emma began aimlessly, finding it hard to not lose herself in the brunette's intense gaze. "I didn't mean to scare you."

And just like that, the moment was gone, Regina's eyes once again evasive as she shifted uncomfortably.

"Oh, don't worry, I just didn't expect you here," she brushed it off, triggering Emma's inbuilt lie detector. "I didn't see you at the cafe."

That part was honest, at least, but Emma wondered what she had tried to hide with her first excuse. She couldn't quite put her finger on it, but certain parts of Regina's behaviour did seem odd, lesbian crush or not. She _was_ easily startled, Emma had noticed, and her eyes told so many things her lips didn't. Emma wished she could read them better.

"Well, according to my colleague you didn't stay very long, so that's probably why you missed me," she said with a smirk.

Regina briefly mirrored her expression but then looked down and swallowed visibly, appearing to be building up her courage to say something. She wasn't exactly the image of a successful businesswoman in that moment.

"I did," she mumbled then, colour rushing to her cheeks. "Miss you."

Emma's heart kicked off into a wild dance in her chest. She was supposed to clarify that they were just friends, so that there wouldn't be any misunderstandings. She wasn't interested in anything beyond friendship. She wasn't interested in _women_. But as she finally spoke – after what felt like an eternity of almost palpable tension – all she could hear herself say was:

"I missed you, too."

She would forever remember the look on Regina's face when the brunette looked up again. Tentative at first, as if wondering whether she could really trust what she'd just been told, and then... Hope. It pulled at Emma's heartstrings and filled her gut with ice cold fear, but she didn't regret her words. It had been the right to say and, moreover, it was the truth.

But the fear. She was afraid of hurting Regina, of what Killian would do if he found out, and of what all of it meant. How could it be that this woman stirred emotions within her that Killian had never come close to doing? That _no_ _one_ had ever come close to doing? Those were the questions arising in Emma's mind when she looked at Regina and saw _hope_.

"So, are you still not having coffee today or...?" she asked casually in an attempt to ease the tension.

"I'm afraid I don't have time," Regina replied with a hint of sadness ghosting her features. "I need to gather some ingredients for the cake and then hurry home to prepare for tonight's party."

"Oh," Emma said, trying not to sound disappointed.

She ignored the little voice in her head pointing out that Regina probably had stopped by the cafe only to see if she was back yet, and instead focused on the woman's apparent disinterest for this party of hers.

"What kind of party? If you don't mind me asking."

Regina hesitated for a beat. Two beats. Three.

"Birthday," she told then. "It's my birthday."

* * *

_Emma had almost excused herself for not having a present but she'd caught herself midsentence and trailed off. There had been no reasons for presents and she'd simply wished the brunette a happy birthday, instead. Not until after their goodbyes had she felt the cold, the cold that had nothing to do with her emotions and all to do with the freezing winter around her. Or so she told herself, at least. Ashley had raised her eyebrows quizzically when Emma reentered the cafe alone, but hadn't pressured her to explain._

_Killian, on the other hand, hadn't accepted her excuses. He'd sensed her inner turmoil and demanded her to spill the beans, resulting in her storming out and ignoring his calls for the rest of the day. In pure spite she'd bought Regina a present, anyway, and never regretted the impulse purchase. She hadn't planned to give it to her, after all the woman had even hesitated to tell her it was her birthday in the first place, but it had been stored safely in Emma's rucksack, just in case._

* * *

"No more hearts," Emma muttered sarcastically to herself as she looked down at the design in Regina's latte. "Oh, really?"

The strings of tiny hearts kind of looked like vines, though. It could be interpreted either way. And heck, part of her was...excited? She knew she shouldn't encourage the woman but what harm could some latte art do? It didn't mean anything. The knowledge of the small, apple-shaped earrings in her rucksack, however, were weighing on her conscience. But no one had to know, right?

"Did you have a good birthday?" she asked as she put the latte on the counter, once again catching a glimpse of Regina's close-to-empty, naked wallet.

"Oh, well... It was alright, I guess?" the brunette faltered slightly and handed over a bill. "It was just a birthday."

Emma wanted to believe that Regina was as unbothered as she attempted to appear, but what she saw in front of her was someone trying too hard not to care. Her birthday had obviously not gone as planned.

"Ah," Emma said, thinking she understood, and handed back the change. "Well, did you at least get something nice?"

At that Regina froze and suddenly looked a little green.

"I...yeah. Can I have the receipt, please? There're people in line."

Emma did as she was asked and watched with a frown as the brunette fled to her usual spot in the back. There was exactly one person in line and he had entered mere seconds before Regina's hasty retreat. Emma worried her lip but put on a smile for the other customer.

She didn't understand these quick changes in mood and behaviour the brunette was displaying. Regina was undoubtedly very unpredictable, except with her coffee routine. She was a confident businesswoman one minute, a shy school girl the next, and every now and then she would act totally weird. She would look scared, haunted, or – like today – sick. It usually lasted for only a short moment, like a memory triggered and quickly pushed back into place, but it bothered Emma a great deal. She couldn't shake the feeling that something was off, the feeling that had been born the day Regina 'forgot' her wallet.

When the man had left with his coffee and bagel, Emma ushered Ruby to the side to have a word with her.

"I don't know what to do!" she hissed in a hushed voice and threw a glance in Regina's direction.

Ruby followed her gaze and gave a sympathetic smile.

"By the gloomy look of our dear Lezzy I'm guessing you've had _the_ _talk_?"

"Talk? What talk? Oh, _that_ talk!" Emma caught on. "Uh, no, not yet. I just asked about her birthday presents and she practically bolted! It was totally weird. And I bought her fucking earrings, can you believe that? To my defence I was really pissed at Killian at the time, but still. I actually bought her _jewellery_ , like, _shit_. I'm not gonna give them to her, of course, but I still feel guilty, you know? Carrying them around in my bag in case the right moment will present itself. Which it never does, anyway, so it's completely pointless."

"Emma," Ruby said firmly and grabbed hold of Emma's arms. "You're not making any sense. _Earrings_?"

"Yeah, I know. Totally crazy, right? Just...forget that part, please," Emma said pleadingly. "At the moment I'm more concerned about her reaction to the birthday present question. I'm not sure what to do."

Ruby still looked considerably confused but nodded slowly.

"Okay. I'll forget about the earrings, for _now_ , but don't think you're off the hook."

Emma groaned but knew there was no escape. She'd been stupid enough to bring it up and of course Ruby would have questions.

"So, what you obviously should do now is to walk over there and ask if something is wrong and if she'd like to talk about it."

It sounded so simple. But Emma knew better.

"And if she says no?"

"Well, then you've still showed you care and hopefully she'll feel better. Maybe she'll even tell you one day. Honestly though, in my experience, you should be more worried about her saying yes," Ruby finished with a knowing look at Emma.

She was probably right. A yes could be more troublesome. But Emma wouldn't find out until she asked, so she gave her friend and colleague a resolute nod and headed for the back of the cafe. Regina seemed lost in thought and hadn't touched her coffee yet.

"Hi," Emma said awkwardly, not surprised when it startled the brunette. "I thought... Maybe... You got really horrible presents?"

Because that was totally what she had planned to say, right? However, it did make Regina smile. Not broadly, nor brightly, but a little. Then the smile took on a sad undertone.

"Yeah, maybe they were pretty horrible," Regina reluctantly admitted. "Pretty, but horrible..."

"Flowers?" Emma guessed, her face scrunched up in confusion about what could be 'pretty, but horrible', but Regina just shook her head and cast down her eyes. "Okay, no guessing. But, um, do you...? Um. Can I...? Eh."

Emma suddenly didn't know how to ask and Regina's wary expression didn't help. What if she made things worse? Perhaps it was better to leave it be. Perhaps she should just talk about the weather or something. But she wanted to wipe that troubled look off Regina's face, wanted it so badly that she disregarded the possible consequences.

"I hope you won't find my present horrible," she said, her rushed words all but highlighting her anxiousness.

She fidgeted with her hands and awkwardly shifted her weight as Regina's eyes widened with astonishment. The brunette was stunned silent for a moment, her mouth working soundlessly. Then she frowned.

"You got me a present?" she finally managed, sounding so hopeful that it boarded on desperation.

"I did," Emma replied with a tentative smile, starting to realize that despite her good intentions she might have made things worse.

Now she had to actually give Regina the earrings and _then_ tell her she wasn't romantically interested in her. What a great plan. Or not. Emma felt a slight panic arise in her chest and looked over at Ruby, who tilted her head and gave a questioning thumbs up. No help there, Emma thought, and looked back at Regina and tried to calm herself down.

"Would you like to see it?" she croaked out, or at least that was what it sounded like to herself.

"Of course," Regina nodded, but it was clear that she noticed Emma's discomfort.

"Um, maybe not here," Emma suggested, blushing at her own awkwardness. "I mean, it's a personal gift..."

Regina gave her a lopsided smile as she stood and followed the still blushing blonde behind the counter and into the breakroom. Well, the small space between the kitchen and the staff bathroom where Emma's and Ruby's bags were thrown haphazardly on a narrow and well **-** worn loveseat.

"Sorry, uh... Budget restrictions," Emma excused the low standard and dug her sweaty hands into her rucksack, pausing when she felt the small box of jewellery.

She had actually never been this nervous before. Not with Killian, not with any of her earlier boyfriends. But it wasn't the nervousness that worried her. It was the butterflies in her stomach. Unable to stall any longer she brought the box out of the bag and turned to Regina, trying to appear casual as she held it out toward the other woman.

The silence was deafening. Emma didn't know what to say and Regina seemed to be in a similar state. She glanced up at Emma briefly, uncertainty and astonishment in her eyes, but then proceeded to accept the gift without meeting Emma's gaze. The box was opened, the tension palpable, and for a moment Emma got worried. Regina didn't smile. She just stared down at the small silver apples in total paralysis, without even blinking. Then, finally, she swallowed and looked up at Emma again, her eyes glistening with...tears?

"I-I don't know what to say," she stammered, her voice thickwith emotion.

"A simple thank you will do just fine," Emma assured her with a soft smirk, trying to grasp what was happening and act accordingly.

Regina let out a small chuckle and closed her eyes.

"Of course, how silly of me," she said and opened her eyes again. "Thank you."

It was as far from simple a 'thank you' could get and Emma struggled with her inner battle between right and wrong. This, what she was doing right now, was obviously wrong. She shouldn't encourage Regina. But whenever she was around, Killian's existence would always fade away.

Snippets of conversations from earlier cafe visits flashed through Emma's mind and when she thought about it, _really_ thought about it, she realized she had been encouraging Regina all along. First of all she had tried to jumpstart their friendship by offering to buy her coffee, and she had admired her long before that. She couldn't even remember all the times she'd complimented her without thinking twice about it. It had just come spontaneously. Not only her appearance, of course, but most people would agree that Regina was a beautiful woman. A beautiful woman that was somehow standing very close now, Emma noticed, and then soft lips were suddenly pressed gently against her own.

Regina's, it was Regina's lips. Regina was kissing her and she was kissing Regina and it shouldn't feel good, it wasn't right, and Killian, Killian...

Emma abruptly pulled back.

"I'm not gay," she blurted, to herself as much as to Regina, whose slightly dazed expression quickly sobered. "I'm sorry, I... I have a boyfriend."

Emma did her best to meet Regina's gaze – she owed her that, at least – but it proved difficult. The guilt was eating at her, she had allowed this to go way too far. She expected anger from Regina, expected harsh words, to be berated, and perhaps even get slapped across the face. She thought there might be tears, of another kind than those unshed ones from before, but what happened was none of that. It was worse.

Big brown eyes grew dull, the spark in them dying like a burnt out flame. Slowly, Regina looked away. Emma found it unbearable. _She_ had done this to her and there were no excuses. She was just so confused about all of this, the whys and hows and sudden mess of emotions, and she hadn't been prepared. She hadn't been ready.

"I'm sorry," she tried, but Regina swiftly turned around, the jewellery box clutched tightly in her hand as she walked away. "Regina, wait. Regina!"

Regina didn't wait and neither did she look back.

"Please..."

Emma found herself unable to move and her plea was hardly more than a whisper. Was she supposed to run after the brunette? Make things right? But how could she? She had fucked up big time and it was probably best to leave Regina alone, at least for a while.

Ruby then showed up in the doorway and threw Emma a questioning look.

"What happened?"

"Uh, nothing," Emma said evasively, the tip of her tongue betraying her as it darted out to moisten her lips at the thought of what actually _had_ happened.

"Emma, your lipstick is smudged," Ruby pointed out knowingly.

"I don't wear lipst-"

She didn't finish the sentence, realizing she had been found out, and instead shut her eyes and sighed deeply.

"It was a misunderstanding, okay?" she explained and tried to shrug it off. "I made a mistake. Did she leave?"

"Emma! What's going on? Yes, she left, and she didn't even bother to bring her coffee."

Emma ducked her head guiltily.

"I screwed up," she mumbled, and Ruby's eyes flashed with realization as she understood exactly how her colleague had screwed up.

" _No_ ," she said, disappointment and disapproval entering her voice. "You gave her the earrings, didn't you?"

"I didn't think it would have such an impact on her!" Emma tried to explain, no, _excuse_ her mistake. "I didn't know she would... That she would..."

Kiss her.

"For God's sake, Emma! I didn't tell you about her interest in you just so you could mess around with her feelings. Don't take your issues with Killian out on her, she has nothing to do with them."

"I never intended-" Emma began to defend herself, but stopped abruptly.

What if she was? Taking her issues with Killian out on Regina. What if she was just using her as an excuse to escape her boyfriend? But what exactly was she trying to accomplish, then? Let's say, potentially, that Regina loved her as much as Killian. Would Emma leave him for her? Because she was prettier, wealthier, more successful, and had better manners? That would be the height of superficiality, wouldn't it... She could never be with Regina for only those reasons, it wouldn't be fair to her. Heck, Emma wasn't even a lesbian!

Right? She wasn't. Or was she?!

"Oh God, my life is such a mess right now," she groaned, and Ruby's stern expression softened a little. "When you told me about Regina and the way she looks at me, I started thinking, and I guess it stirred some shit up."

"You guess, huh? You have to talk to her," Ruby declared. "If she'll even come back here."

* * *

 " _I'm not a lesbian," Emma had kept repeating to herself that day, feeling slightly more insincere each time. She'd went over to Killian's for some unsatisfying, half-desperate sex and walked home at three in the morning, feeling dirty and regretful. Killian had woken up to a phone call the next day, of Emma telling him it was over, that she couldn't be with him anymore, and he had turned on her so quickly that she wondered if he had ever even loved her at all. Perhaps he had just liked that she was his._


	2. Give Me A Hug, Give Me A Kiss

 

_Regina had been back sooner than expected. Unfortunately Emma had already left for the day but Ruby had still been working, something they were all grateful for. Especially in retrospective._

* * *

"Hey, Ruby, what's up?"

"Emma, I..."

It wasn't Ruby. It was Regina. Regina, calling from Ruby's phone, her frail voice leading Emma's mind to jump to the worst possible scenarios. Because of the way they had parted, Emma was sure that the brunette wouldn't call unless she had a really good reason to.

"Regina?"

"Yes," Regina breathed out. "I need... I need you to promise not to ask any questions."

Emma's worry skyrocketed. What had happened?

"Okay," she agreed, confused but determined to make up for the pain she had caused the other woman before.

"Thank you."

Emma fought her impulses to ask what was wrong, but also how she could help and what Regina wanted her to do. She could sense that the brunette was gathering her courage on the other end of the line and didn't want to interrupt.

"The cafe is about to close and I don't know where else to go," Regina finally confessed, her voice laced with shame and embarrassment. "I know it's not ideal, especially not after our...what happened, but I was hoping that maybe you could... It's rather cold outside and I don't really know your colleague."

Emma took a moment to take in what Regina had just said. _"I don't know where else to go."_ Her heart ached for the poor woman and she felt even more miserable for misleading her. _"It's rather cold outside."_ This was no joke and that scared Emma. It was freezing degrees and snow outside, so yeah, definitely cold.

"It's okay, Regina. I don't understand what's going on right now but I'll help you out, okay? Do you want me to come pick you up?"

It was a question, but hardly one of those Regina didn't want to be asked. Quite the opposite, it appeared.

"I'd like that very much."

"I'll be right over. Tell Ruby I'm on my way."

Fifteen minutes later Emma parked outside the cafe, the snow framing the building faintly glowing in the yellow street light. Small, light snowflakes were just starting to fall and join their friends on the ground when Emma unlocked the still lit up cafe and stepped over the threshold, immediately finding the two brunettes. Her stomach dropped.

"Hey," she greeted tentatively, unable to tear her eyes off Regina.

"Hey, Em!" Ruby said with attempted cheerfulness, in contrast to the slumping figure next to her, who regarded Emma with wary eyes. "I guess I'll leave you two to it, you have your keys with you, right? Right, you unlocked the door."

She appeared to be nervous and quickly gathered her things and headed toward Emma, who stood rooted to the ground right inside the entrance. With a sympathetic smile back at Regina, Ruby brought up her car keys.

"I hope you feel better soon, Regina."

She received a small nod in response and then proceeded to walk past Emma, momentarily blocking the blonde's line of sight to force eye contact with herself instead of staring at Regina. Ruby's gaze was stern and Emma knew exactly what she was trying to convey with it. But Ruby didn't have to worry, Emma wouldn't make any more mistakes. She would apologize and try to fix what had went wrong. That was, if Regina was up for that kind of talk tonight. By the way she looked, Emma wasn't sure.

"See you tomorrow, Em! Bye."

"Same, Ruby. Bye."

Then she was gone and Emma and Regina were alone. The brunette stood and slowly made her way over to Emma, who's jaw tensed as she tried to keep from starting to interrogate the other woman. No questions, she got it now. Regina was clad in black sweatpants and a dark grey hoodie, her eyes were puffy, and she was as good as makeup free. She had a fresh bruise and a small cut above her left eyebrow. It looked clean and taken care of, at least, but Emma couldn't stop her mind from racing. What had happened? Why couldn't she go home? Why wouldn't she explain?

Regina shifted uncomfortably under Emma's scrutinizing gaze and averted her eyes, so Emma returned to the now and forced herself to stop staring. Instead, she pointed toward the street with her thumb.

"My car is just outside," she said, carefully searching for Regina's gaze again. "You ready to go?"

There was no coat in sight this time either and Emma was sure that this was one of the things she shouldn't ask about. Regina didn't meet her gaze again but she did nod.

"Yes."

* * *

 _The ride back to the apartment had been a quiet affair. In fact, Regina hadn't said anything at all for the whole first hour, just nodded when Emma asked if she was hungry. But when dinner was ready and they were both_ _seated_ _at Emma's small kitchen table, the_ _dispirited_ _brunette had finally broken the silence._

* * *

"Thank you."

Emma looked up from her bowl of spaghetti bolognese with surprise and hope in her eyes. Maybe Regina would finally talk? The brunette gazed down at her food and picked aimlessly at it for a moment.

"I guess you don't really want me here so I greatly appreciate your hospitality," she said then, without looking up.

"No!" Emma exclaimed, causing Regina to shrink back in her seat like a beaten dog.

Emma could've bitten her tongue.

"I mean, I don't mind having you here," she mended, using a much gentler voice. "At all. Actually, I wanted to apologize. I haven't been fair to you. I'm sorry. It was never my intention to hurt you."

Regina swallowed, eyes still focused on the food she had yet to taste, and Emma could see her jaw muscles work. Emma could also feel her own heart beating harder in her chest, because it was now or never. She sucked in a breath and braced herself.

"Maybe it doesn't change anything, but I just want you to know that the only thing I regret, is pushing you away that day."

She anxiously studied Regina's reaction, not daring to hope for forgiveness. Maybe the other woman would feel less hurt, at least, knowing that Emma _did_ in fact feel something, too. Or maybe it didn't matter. To Regina, anyway. Emma had tried, she'd been honest, and she was actually proud of herself for it. She was being brave, for once.

"So, what you said..." Regina began hesitantly, cautiously lifting her gaze to finally meet Emma's.

"It was stupid," Emma admitted. "I was scared. And confused. These past couple of weeks have been a mess and I'm sorry you got such a shitty deal there. But, um, I broke up with my boyfriend."

Regina's eyes widened at the confession, a streak of fear crossing them before a familiar look of hope took over. Then concern. Or was it guilt? Either way, she certainly looked conflicted.

"You...broke up with your boyfriend," she repeated matter-of-factly.

"Yep. He was a douche about it so no regrets there. I don't love him. I just never thought...there'd be more, you know? Not for me, anyway. God, I had such low standards."

Emma blushed suddenly and decided it may be time to change the subject and start eating. It was definitely getting awkward. Too much talk about feelings.

"I mean, err, uh," she stuttered and stabbed her spaghetti with her fork a little more forcefully than strictly necessary. "You're not a vegetarian, are you?"

This drew a smirk from Regina, who raised her brows quizzically. She seemed considerably more confident now after Emma's faltering.

"Why?" she questioned, promptly taking her first bite of the meaty food without breaking eye contact. "Because I'm into _women_?"

"Um, ah, no. I was thinking more like... It would've be a shame if you couldn't eat what I made," Emma said awkwardly, hurrying to stuff her mouth with pasta and sauce to keep up with the other woman.

"Well, you needn't worry," Regina assured her. "The only food I don't eat is pineapple."

"You don't like pineapple?"

"I'm allergic, actually."

"Oh, wow. I've never heard of anyone allergic to pineapple before," Emma said, appreciating the casual tone the conversation had taken on and relaxing a bit.

"It's not very common, no."

She knew this Regina. Preferred this Regina. Fairly confident, a bit flirty, _smiling_. The cut and bruise were still very apparent, as was the change in dressing style, but if Emma ignored all that she could almost pretend they were hanging out like normal friends. Well, not friends, exactly. It seemed as if Regina had forgiven her, after all, and they slowly inched their way back toward how things had been before that unfortunate kiss.

"Do you want to, like, watch a movie or something?" Emma asked once they were done with dinner, feeling a bit like an overgrown teenager. "It's Friday, after all."

Regina instantly tensed and got a haunted look in her eyes, one that hadn't been there since they arrived at Emma's apartment.

"I-I don't know," she said uncertainly. "What time is it?"

"Just about nine," Emma replied after a quick glance at her microwave. "Do you need to get going?"

Regina relaxed some but the haunted look prevailed.

"No," she said after some hesitation. "Not yet. A movie sounds great."

She smiled bravely and Emma had to fight very hard against her urges to ask all those questions she'd promised not to ask. Regina would tell her when she was ready to. Probably. Maybe. Or would she? Emma forced herself back to the present and pushed her worries aside, right now she just needed to be a good friend and focus on making Regina feel better.

She turned on the TV to see if anything interesting was on and plopped down on the couch. _Friend_. It always came back to friends. But now was not the time to try to pursue anything further than that, Emma reminded herself. It really wasn't. Was she even sure that she...? One glance at the brunette curled up at the other end of the couch removed all doubt. Yes, she was sure.

Emma's heart clenched at the sight, though. Regina looked so small and vulnerable. So far away. Emma furrowed her brows, secretly disappointed over the distance.

"You okay over there?" she asked tentatively, trying to keep a light tone. "I don't bite."

To her relief and joy Regina did actually respond with a small smile, but then she cast down her eyes and remained silent long enough to have Emma worried her joke had been a mistake.

"I mean, you don't have to answer, " she said anxiously, thinking this might be the type of questions she should avoid.

"I'm fine," Regina assured her, the small smile back as she looked up again. "I'm just not used to... _this_."

"The movie thing or...?" Emma wondered, not sure what the other woman was referring to. "We could do something else if you want."

"No, that's alright. I just..."

Regina paused, embarrassed, and hesitated to continue. After a moment of silence she swallowed and averted her eyes.

"I don't really have friends," she mumbled quietly.

It was all Emma could do not to jump across the couch and envelop the disheartened brunette in a bone-crushing hug. However, she couldn't sit there with an endless space between them like some awkward idiot while Regina looked like a kicked puppy, and she determinedly scooted closer. Much closer. In fact, as close as she could without touching the other woman.

"You have me?" she said in a soft voice.

Regina slowly turned to face her, expression obscure and brown eyes gazing intently into Emma's own ever-changing, blue-green ones.

"Do I?"

Emma blinked, not expecting that response.

"Of course," she replied. "I definitely see you as my friend."

"Friend," Regina echoed contemplatively, as if trying out the word for the first time.

There was a shift of energy in the room and Emma tried to smile to ease the increasing tension – all this bloody talk about _friends_! – but found that she struggled even with this small gesture. They weren't supposed to... Now was not the time to... But Regina's gaze was so intense, so full of want and hope and _trust_. Emma couldn't look away. When had she earned this trust? Had it been when she apologized before? Or when she came to pick Regina up at the cafe? Or just seconds ago when she declared she saw her as her friend? Or-

Emma's racing mind stumbled to an abrupt stop when she felt the feather light touches of Regina's fingers grazing her cheek. They left a burning sensation on her skin and she briefly closed her eyes as they travelled lower to trace her jawline down to her chin, as if luring her to come even closer. Which – she realized as her brain functions kicked in again – might be exactly what they were meant to do. Opening her eyes again, she couldn't resist the temptation anymore. Slowly, she leaned forward.

Then they were kissing. Tentatively at first, but they soon got braver, bolder. This time Emma didn't break it off. This time she was prepared and she knew it was what she wanted. She wasn't in denial anymore. This was what she had been looking for all her life, this was what all her relationships so far had been lacking. This was... Right.

Regina's hands found their way into her hair and Emma wondered why the hell she hadn't done this sooner. She let her own hands roam Regina's body, tentatively, carefully, as if the other woman was made of glass. Was she actually allowed to touch her like this?

After a while she found the hem of Regina's hoodie and experimentally let her hands slip under the two layers of fabric to connect with the brunettes bare skin. Regina didn't wince. She simply untangled her own hands from the blonde mess they were currently in and put them over Emma's to still them, not breaking their kiss. Never breaking the kiss. Who needed oxygen, anyway?

"Clothes on," she mumbled breathily against Emma's lips, keeping both of their hands steadily in place on her hips.

And Emma completely understood why Regina wouldn't want to go any further right now. She was not even sure herself what was actually happening anymore and the situation they were in was indeed a tricky one. This certainly wasn't what she had in mind when picking Regina up at the cafe. Therefore, the brunette's next actions came as a surprise. With one hand finding its way over to Emma's waist, Regina gently used her other to guide Emma's fingers to her waistband **,** down, and _oh_.

Emma had misunderstood.

Regina hadn't rejected her advances. She simply wanted to keep her clothes on. Well, Emma could work with that. Not that she had ever been with a woman before, but surely Regina understood that and wouldn't expect anything spectacular. Or would she? Emma was to find out.

Something she _did_ found out, pretty quickly, was that Regina panting and moaning in time with the thrusts of her hand were the sexiest sounds she'd ever heard. It gave her confidence, Regina was enjoying her efforts, and her own arousal was rapidly building despite the fact that she hadn't even been touched in that aching spot between her legs yet. However, it wasn't long until her upper body was ridded of all clothing and the brunette started suckling on one of her hardened nipples as she worked the other with nimble fingers.

"Fuck," Emma groaned and gripped futilely at Regina's hoodie, their current rhythm momentarily disrupted.

She closed her eyes, savouring the sensation of Regina's mouth on her breast and erratic puffs of warm breath against her skin.

* * *

 _Regina had been the first to come, arms wrapped around Emma and face burrowed into her shoulder as if trying to_ _merge_ _with her, to become one. Then she had slowly pushed Emma down onto the couch, pulled off her jeans and panties, and kissed lower and lower until it was Emma's turn to gasp and writhe in pleasure._

* * *

Cold. It was cold. Refusing to fully let go of sleep just yet, Emma snuggled closer to the warm body in her arms. Better. She was rapidly slipping back into dreamland but before she could reach it, her personal, human heater shot up with a gasp.

"Emma. Emma, wake up."

"I'm awake," Emma groaned and sat up, a little slower, then noticed the state of the other woman. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"What time is it?" Regina asked urgently, panic in her eyes and fear written all over her features.

"Um, I'm not sure."

Emma searched for her glasses and found them neatly folded on the coffee table. _Regina._ She quickly put them on and reached for the remote to the TV still running quietly in the background, opening the menu. They hadn't even gotten to the movie.

"Ten forty-five," she said, even though the brunette could obviously see for herself, too.

Regina was up in a heartbeat, pulling down her ridden up hoodie and running a hand through her ruffled hair.

"I-I need to go," she declared, expression still anxious. "Are you...? I mean, can you give me a ride back? It's okay if you don't but-"

"Of course!" Emma assured her, turning off the TV and starting to redress. "Where do you live?"

Regina tensed and seemed to struggle for a moment, carefully contemplating her answer.

"I'll walk from the cafe, it's fine."

"Regina, that's not...that's not fine," Emma protested with a frown. "Come on, I'll drive you all the way and make sure you get home alright. It's late."

Regina worked her jaw, looking extremely conflicted, and after a while she sighed and squeezed her eyes shut. Then she swallowed hard.

"May I use the bathroom?" she said thickly, her eyes now on the floor.

"Yeah, sure, it's right next to the front door," Emma replied, mildly confused.

She followed the brunette with her gaze as she left the room, unable to shake the feeling that _she_ had triggered the hasty retreat. But she simply couldn't let Regina walk through the cold winter night all alone, no matter how close to the cafe she lived. The mere suggestion was ridiculous! What kind of people did she live with, exactly? Why the secrecy? What was going on in her home, in her life outside the cafe visits? Emma didn't want to think about some of the possible answers to those questions.

She sighed as she finished buttoning her shirt and snatched her phone from the kitchen counter on the way to the hallway. No new notifications. She pulled on her warmest leather jacket and pondered over what Regina would wear. Obviously she'd have to lend her something, especially if she insisted on walking. That hoodie wasn't nearly enough for mid February even on a sunny day, never mind a snowy night like this.

After checking the time Emma glanced at the closed bathroom door. It was awfully quiet. She strained her ears but the only sounds she could make out were the ones of her own breathing and heart beating a little faster in her chest. Was Regina even there? Yes, the door was locked.

The minutes ticked by.

Shifting her weight Emma decided she had waited long enough. Something was off.

"Regina?" she called tentatively. "It's almost eleven now."

Silence.

"Is everything alright?"

More silence.

Emma was starting to get seriously worried, all sorts of horrifying scenarios flashing through her mind. She stepped forward and knocked softly on the door.

"Regina? Please say something."

The lock suddenly clicked. When nothing more happened Emma figured it would be okay to open the door. Her heart immediately sunk at the sight that met her. Regina's eyes were red and puffy and she was hugging herself tightly, gaze averted and cheeks poorly dried. Emma felt hopelessness creep upon herself. She was no good at this comforting stuff and if Regina's current state had anything to do with what she had said before, maybe she'd pushed too hard, well...

"Did I do or say anything wrong?" Emma wondered anxiously, but Regina shook her head.

"No," she said, her voice strangled with unshed tears. "You didn't."

Emma relaxed some and tentatively stepped into the small bathroom. She wanted to comfort her distressed friend but didn't want to make her feel cornered, so she sat down on the edge of the bathtub. That way they were close, but not too close, and at the same level rather than Emma towering over her. A moment passed in stillness, Emma patiently waiting for Regina to speak. Regina did, eventually.

"I just..." she faltered, still facing away from Emma. "I don't..."

She bit her lip, hard, as she struggled to prevent another bout of tears. Nevertheless they escaped and silently started to roll down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry," she choked out.

Emma frowned at the apology.

"For what?"

"For this," Regina said and sniffled. "Being like this. Dragging you into my mess."

"But Regina," Emma said softly, reaching out toward her and catching a couple of falling tears **.** "It's okay. You don't have to apologize. And whatever mess you're in I'm here to help you, as much as I can. I wish you would tell me what's going on but I'm not gonna push you. I can wait. Just please tell me if there's anything I can do, anything at all."

While her words didn't seem to work any miracles on Regina's mood, they did seem to calm her. She slowly turned her face toward Emma, uncertain eyes finally meeting soft, expectant ones, and self-consciously sniffled and wiped her cheeks. A moment passed without words being spoken. Emma kept gazing into those depths of mahogany that wanted so much and revealed so little until Regina eventually looked away again, her voice a whisper so soft it was barely audible.

"I could use a hug."

* * *

_The simple request had all but shredded Emma's heart into actual pieces and she'd immediately gotten up from the bathtub edge. Looking Regina deep in the eyes with all the love she could convey she had ushered her to stand, too, and then she had wrapped her arms around the smaller woman and kept them there for what had felt like eternity. Regina had clung onto her, head resting on her shoulder, and mumbled into Emma's jacket, "I feel safe with you."_

_Her choice of words had struck Emma as unusual, she had really hurt the woman mere days ago, but maybe she was just reading too much into it. After letting go of each other Emma had cautiously brought up Regina's ride home again and with a nervous laugh the brunette had said she'd overreacted, no need to borrow any outerwear, dropping her off at her house was fine._

_The outside view of 108 Mifflin Street had left Emma wide-eyed and majorly impressed. Regina had tried to smile but obviously been anxious, and as they said goodbye in the car Emma had given her hand a comforting squeeze. They were in this together. It was going to be okay. Regina had gotten her number on a yellow post-it note._

* * *

"So if I'm getting this right: first you had sex, then you hugged, and _then_ you gave her your number? Man, that's some backwards dating."

Ruby shook her head and Emma's face glowed red like a stop light.

"I never said we had sex!" she hissed, earning a knowing look from her colleague.

"It was implied."

"I hate you."

"Hah! Sure. But I don't really understand, Emma. You were so adamant about just being friends and then suddenly you're fucking her? I mean, no judgement, but... What changed?"

Emma cringed at Ruby's crassness. She wouldn't call it _fucking_ , it had been so much more than that.

"I guess I just needed some time to accept it," she said plainly.

"It?"

"Well, myself. And my feelings. I don't know why I found it so hard, but it was. I had to rethink my whole identity and it was scary and confusing. It still is, but at least I know what I want now."

"Oh God, you've got it bad," Ruby laughed at Emma's suddenly dreamy expression but then grew serious. "I'm sorry I said that thing about taking out your issues with Killian on her. I was obviously mistaken."

"Yeah," Emma sighed, thinking about the nasty breakup. "But it's okay, you were only trying to help. Trying to protect her. I appreciate that."

Ruby rolled her eyes, amused by the blonde's obvious affection for Regina.

"Of course you do. But I was actually trying to protect you, too. Speaking of, did you talk at all about what kind of trouble she was in? She didn't want to tell me."

"Oh. No, not really," Emma said, suddenly distracted by those worrisome theories of hers again.

Ruby shrugged and the conversation died out as she turned her attention back to preparing sandwiches. In Emma's mind, however, the thoughts kept circulating. Regina was a hunted criminal with a secret identity. Regina was a mental case who lived with caretakers and didn't want people to know. Regina was actually just super clumsy and extremely embarrassed about it. No, it just kept getting more and more ridiculous. Maybe it was time for a Google search? But Emma couldn't betray Regina's trust like that. She would simply have to wait.

* * *

_She wished she hadn't waited._

* * *

Monday arrived, the clock struck ten, and into the cafe waltzed Regina Mills in a fancy black coat and unpractically high heels – _snowy_ , it was still _snowy_ – as if Friday night had never happened. Well, not quite. There's only so much you can do with makeup and the cut on her forehead hadn't healed in only a couple of days. Ruby was taking orders at the counter but Regina wasn't headed that way, she had spotted Emma and was smiling toward her, eyes shining bright. A glimmer of silver dangling from her ears caught Emma's attention and she squinted as the woman got closer.

"Hi," Regina greeted, cheeks rosy from the freezing winter outside.

This was the woman Emma knew, the woman she admired, and the woman she lo- liked a hell of a lot. And. She was wearing the apple-shaped earrings.

"Hi!"

Emma had her hands full of dirty dishes, hindering her from giving Regina a hug, and she quickly dismissed the idea of greeting her with a kiss, because _whoa_. That'd probably be too much too fast and, besides, there were too many people around. Damn dirty dishes!

"I'm just gonna put these away," Emma said and began to inch toward the kitchen.

"Of course," Regina said and stepped aside, making it easier for the blonde to pass her. "Wait! Um, maybe... I could..."

Emma turned back, brows furrowed at the suddenly faltering brunette.

"...come with you," Regina finished.

"Yeah, sure," Emma nodded, a tad confused. "I mean, _technically_ customers aren't allowed back there, but you're, like... Special."

The deeper meaning wasn't lost on Regina, who's eyes lit up with that familiar hopeful glow as a smile slowly spread across her face. Emma beamed back toward her but then forced herself to look away. She was working, she had work to do, work needed to be done. Focus.

"Come on," she said and headed for the kitchen with Regina in tow, briefly meeting Ruby's eye as they passed the counter.

The tall brunette gave the tiniest smirk and then looked away as if nothing was out of the ordinary. But it _was_ , that soon became abundantly clear to Emma. The moment she turned around to face to Regina, after discarding the dirty dishes, the other woman's lips were on hers. So, _okay_ _then_ , perhaps it wasn't too much too fast. Emmasmiled into the kiss and slid her hands behind Regina's back, welcoming the initiative. No one could see them there and no one would judge, interrupt, or otherwise bother them.

"Sorry," Regina mumbled, pulling back and looking a little flushed.

"For what?" Emma questioned with a frown, keeping the brunette close and not letting her escape.

Regina shifted uncomfortably and Emma immediately loosened her grip on her, not wanting to provoke any adverse reactions. She had the driving-home-argument in fresh memory and didn't want to push too hard again.

"Well..." Regina started, rosy cheeks turning red. "I've been wanting to do that all weekend."

"So have I."

Chocolate eyes gazed into sea green and Emma closed the distance between them again.

"There's no need to apologize. I'm just glad you waited until we were alone, because, honestly, I'm not that comfortable with PDA and stuff. Especially not since we're both... I mean... This is still new to me."

She chuckled nervously and averted her gaze but Regina cupped her cheek and made their eyes meet again.

"It's new to me, too, you know? In a way."

Emma didn't know. She wouldn't have thought it. Regina was, as Ruby so aptly had named her, Ten a.m. on Mondays Lezzy. In what way was this new to her?

"It is?"

"Yes," Regina said steadily, then – as if she was afraid Emma might get second thoughts – she hurriedly added, "but it's a good new. It's all good."

She put on a bright smile but her eyes gave her insecurity away. Emma met the smile with one of her own, warm and reassuring.

"Definitely," she agreed and leaned in for another kiss.

It was sweet and tender, not laced with the same urgency as the previous one, and when they broke apart they were both still smiling. Regina was practically glowing, Emma noticed, excitement sparkling in her dark eyes.

"Let's go somewhere," she said suddenly, and Emma's eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"Now?!"

"No," Regina laughed lightly. "Maybe...maybe this weekend? If you're free, of course. And if you want to."

"I'd love to! I'm scheduled for Sunday morning but as long as I don't get more work there's plenty of time to-"

"EMMA! TABLES!" Ruby called from the counter, sounding only a _tad_ desperate.

"Right, _work_ ," Emma remembered. "Guess we'll have to continue planning this, um, this _date_ of ours later."

"Indeed," Regina agreed and stepped back, smoothing out imaginary wrinkles in her coat. "I better go order my coffee. And take this thing off, it's not really meant for indoor use."

"Yeah, you look pretty hot. Warm! I meant to say warm," Emma backpedalled, cheeks rapidly turning crimson. "Not that you're not, uh... Hot."

A small smirk was playing on Regina's lips as she replied.

"Thank you."

If things were any awkward – and they were – they both ignored it. It didn't matter. They were really doing this and Emma couldn't have been more thrilled about it.


	3. When You Touch My Skin, Beautiful Sin

"So, where do you want to go?"

"Anywhere, as long as it's with you."

* * *

_They had gone on a road trip in Emma's yellow bug and the weather had been surprisingly good for the season. Regina had been happy and carefree, making it easy for Emma to forget her questions and worries regarding the other woman. Everything had just seemed...perfect. Too perfect. Good things like that never truly happened to Emma Swan. She'd just chosen to believe for a few days, that maybe fate had changed its mind. Maybe she could have_ _happiness._

* * *

"A Hawaiian with extra cheese and a quattro stagioni," Emma ordered, her eyes widening a moment later when certain information was brought to the forefront of her mind. "Wait!"

She held her cell phone away from her and snapped around to face Regina, who arched a questioning brow.

"Um, how allergic are you, exactly?"

"Oh," Regina said and her face lit up with a bright smile. "You remembered!"

"Well, barely! I hope you would've stopped me if I hadn't."

Regina laughed softly at the concerned blonde.

"Don't worry, as long as I don't eat it I'm fine."

"And, hypothetically, if I ate it and then, I dunno, _kissed_ you-"

"I'll be fine, Emma," Regina smirked.

"Okay, okay, just making sure," Emma said innocently and brought her phone to her ear again. "Yeah, no, that's all."

They were at Emma's apartment again – a planned visit now as opposed to the previous time – and Regina was much more open and relaxed. At least until her phone rang. Then it was like turning a switch. They were sitting close enough for Emma to feel Regina freeze up and had she paid even closer attention, she would've noticed that the other woman momentarily stopped breathing, as well.

"Um," Emma started and Regina scrambled to her feet and snatched her phone from her purse.

"I gotta take this," she said without even looking at the screen, already halfway out of the room.

"Sure."

Well. Okay. The illusion couldn't last forever, Emma thought, heart sinking as she paused the movie they were watching. There was still something going on with Regina.

Two Hawaiian pizza slices – the last ones – and half a glass of wine later, Emma was joined by Regina again. She smiled tentatively toward the brunette, who let out a relieved breath and smiled back as she sat down beside Emma.

"All good?" Emma wondered.

Regina faced the TV and let her head rest on Emma's shoulder.

"Yes," she said and snuggled closer. "All good."

And for the remainder of the movie, it was. Good. But it didn't last. Regina was staying the night and when they were getting ready for bed, it was obvious that she didn't feel comfortable with the arrangement. Emma wasn't sure how to address it, or how to feel about it, but she had to say something.

"You don't _have_ stay over," she said unceremoniously and watched Regina's head snap around.

"What?"

"Right, that came out a bit blunt. It's just... You sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine!" Regina claimed, none too convincing. "Though I must admit that I haven't really dated anyone in a long time. And I... I'm not, um... I'll go change in the other room."

She quickly stood from the bed and left a confused Emma behind, a confusion that lasted for all of five seconds.

"You're an idiot," Emma mumbled to herself.

If Regina wanted to keep her clothes on during sex, of course she wouldn't want to change right in front of her. Satisfied with the explanation she discarded her day clothes and pulled on a white tank top. She took time to actually fold her clothes and put them on a chair – knowing Regina would't approve of them lying on the floor – and then picked up her phone to have something to do while waiting for the other woman.

"Emma?"

Regina stood in the doorway, pajama-clad and still looking uncomfortable as she fidgeted with a small, purple plastic box she was holding in her hands. Emma flashed her a reassuring smile in hope it would make her feel better about the situation. She wasn't sure what else she could do.

"Yeah?"

"I, uh," Regina began and made a vague gesture with the box. "I need to wear this. Are you a light sleeper?"

"No, not particularly, " Emma replied, trying to hide her confusion.

Regina squared her shoulders and walked over to the bed.

"Good," she said and put the box on the nightstand, and when she noticed that Emma hadn't moved she offered a small explanation. "It's a mouth guard. I'll wait to put it in until we're actually going to sleep because I can't talk very well while wearing it."

The corner of her mouth turned upward ever so slightly and Emma felt relief wash over her. Humour. Humour was good.

"Right, _talk_ , huh?" she joked back as she rounded the bed and walked up to Regina. "Loads of talking..."

Suddenly hesitant, she stood awkwardly in front of Regina. She didn't want to trigger any adverse reactions by entering the other woman's intimate space uninvited and waited for her to reach out, to take the initiative. But Regina didn't reach out, she just looked at Emma with those beautiful, beautiful eyes and Emma couldn't look away. There was something there this time, something important. Regina swallowed.

"I already brushed my teeth," she said, and just like that the moment was gone.

Emma slowly let out the breath she didn't realize she'd been holding. Would she ever get to know what was going on?

* * *

_She would, but not that night. When she had returned to the bedroom after brushing her teeth, Regina had already been ready to put the mouth guard in. She had asked Emma to just hold her, and Emma had done exactly that._

* * *

It was early, way too early to get up. Emma sighed tiredly. Being used to begin work early in the morning had its pros and cons, but waking up at seven on a Sunday morning she was free was certainly not one of the pros.

She looked to her right and smiled at the sight of the woman sprawled over the other half of the queen-size bed. All in all, things had ended on good terms the night before and Regina now looked serene as she slept. Emma could've watched her beautiful face all morning but that would've been kinda creepy, wouldn't it? It didn't feel right.

She let her gaze drop to her shoulder instead, trail along her arm down to her elbow, up toward her hand...and stopped as her blood ran cold.

Regina's silk sleeve had ridden up and on the exposed skin Emma could see fading bruises. She tried to tell herself it could be random bruises, it didn't have to be as she feared. It _didn't_. Without any sudden movements she fetched her glasses from the nightstand and put them on. The purple and yellow discolorations of Regina's olive skin didn't look better in HD. Emma's hand trembled slightly as she reached out and tentatively placed it on Regina's forearm. When Regina didn't move, she slowly began to push her sleeve up further, wary of any sign of the brunette waking up.

She almost regretted doing it. This clearly wasn't right, and she definitely didn't like what she discovered. There were more bruises, some of them looking pretty new, and a couple of odd scratches. But what made Emma's heart clench and her blood boil most of all were the unmistakable crescent-shaped nail marks she also found there.

"The fucking bastard!" she hissed under her breath and suddenly felt a strong urge to punch someone – the person who did this, preferably – in the face.

Then Regina stirred and Emma swiftly pulled the sleeve down and rolled over, terrified that she might've gotten caught. She slipped her glasses off and snuck them under her pillow, then waited anxiously with her heart pounding like a metronome on crack inside her ribcage. Things were quiet for a moment and then there was movement behind her back.

It took all of Emma's self-control to keep still as Regina placed a kiss on her neck and snaked an arm around her waist. Emma couldn't help to let out a sigh of relief. Regina hadn't noticed. There was a problem with that, though, because it meant Emma would have to be the one to bring it up. She didn't want to, but God, she had to.

Trying to maintain a neutral expression she slowly turned in Regina's embrace, but what met her wiped all sensible thoughts from her mind. Regina was smiling toward her, eyes sparkling and not a trace of insecurity in them. It was the kind of smile that left Emma breathless and made her heart sing sappy ballads about declarations of undying love. She couldn't help to smile back. Regina seemed to be fine right now, so maybe they didn't have to ruin this moment.

"Goog mowning, shunshine," Regina said around her mouth guard and Emma beamed in response.

"Morning, beautiful," she replied playfully, happy with her decision to save the serious talk for later.

She leaned forward to give Regina a peck on the mouth, a peck that quickly turned into something else entirely. It was a bit awkward, though, and laughing softly Regina broke the kiss to take the mouth guard out.

"Eww," Emma teased, chastising herself as she saw the familiar flash of anxiousness in Regina's eyes.

She never learned.

"I'm just kidding," she said and gave Regina a chaste kiss before taking the mouth guard from her and placing it on her own nightstand, then turned back with a smirk. "It's not like I'm bothered by your saliva."

Regina rolled her eyes before reclaiming Emma's lips as if nothing had happened.

* * *

_They had done more than kissing that morning and hadn't left bed until closer to noon. After taking turns in the shower – with Emma wondering if Regina had bruises in other places too – Regina had offered to make breakfast, stating that pizza leftovers weren't a suitable first meal of the day. Not that Emma had argued, omelette with spinach and_ _feta_ _was nice, too. Very nice, actually. It had all been so...nice._

_In the end, no questions had been asked, and Emma had dropped Regina off by her house on her way to an afternoon shift at the cafe without looking back. Ashley had noticed that something was_ _gnawing_ _at her but Emma had only given vague answers, not feeling comfortable enough with the other blonde to share her suspicions with her. The next day, however, Regina's lack of presence had prompted her to speak to Ruby about it._

* * *

"She's still not here."

Ruby sighed at Emma's frantic worrying but furrowed her brows in concern, nonetheless. If Regina did show up, she was almost always on time.

"What if something's happened to her?" Emma said and checked the time for the hundredth time in the last hour and a half. "It's eleven thirty! You have to agree this isn't normal."

"Alright, it's not normal," Ruby agreed. "But there could be a million reasons for her to be late. Or not coming. Maybe she had other plans today?"

Emma gave her a dark look.

"Yeah, I know she has her routine. I'm just saying," Ruby tried to reason with her. "Why don't you just call her and ask?"

"I don't have her number!"

"Wait. Really?" Ruby said incredulously. "I thought you said you gave her your number, like, two weeks ago?"

"Oh, yeah, I did. But, um, she hasn't called me yet. We see each other regularly anyway so there has been no need for calls."

Ruby narrowed her eyes skeptically and put a tentative hand on Emma's arm. She had a feeling that the blonde cared more about this than she let on.

"I don't want to be _that_ person but that sounds a bit odd, considering you've been seeing each other...romantically?" she said with only a hint of question in her voice, knowing enough of the details to be fairly sure. "And that time you came and picked her up, have you talked about that yet?"

Emma knew in her heart something was wrong and she had seen proof of it with her own two eyes the previous morning. But was she ready to tell Ruby? She decided that she was and took a deep breath.

"Don't freak out, okay?" she began in a hushed voice. "I think she's... I think someone's...hurting her."

"Hurting her how?" Ruby said cautiously, glancing around the cafe to make sure no one was overhearing them.

"Have you ever thought about how she always wears clothes that cover most of her skin? Long sleeves, scarves, things like that?"

"Well, it's winter..."

Emma firmly shook her head.

"No. I saw bruises yesterday. And marks that definitely were from...fingernails," she struggled to say, and swallowed thickly. "She doesn't know that I saw. I didn't bring it up."

"Oh Emma," Ruby said and enveloped her friend in a comforting hug.

"Maybe now you understand why I'm worried," Emma mumbled.

"God, yeah, I do! But let's not jump to conclusions. Do you know anything about her, like, where she lives or her birthdate or anything?"

"You think I should search for her number online."

It wasn't a question. Emma decided it was exactly what she should do.

She ignored the small voice in her head admonishing her about invasion of privacy and when the lunch rush of customers was over she took a short break to search for Regina's number. She found a site and put in Regina's name, then went to narrow the search down by state. But...

Emma frowned at the screen. There was no Regina Mills in Maine.

Alarm bells rang in Emma's mind but she stubbornly ignored them. Instead, she tried to recall the street name. Mifflin Street? Yes, that was it. The street number was trickier but if she had to guess she'd say 108. She put the address in the search fields and her frown deepened at the result. Maybe she had the wrong address, after all. Maybe there were more than one Regina living in that neighbourhood.

With a growing sense of despair she double-checked the address, using the street view on Google Maps. She knew how the house looked and immediately recognized it. It was the right house. It was the right address. But it was the wrong name.

White.

Leopold and Regina. White.

Emma swallowed and swallowed. Figures. Too good to be true. Of course. Things suddenly made sense. It all made so fucking much sense. Why Regina had seemed so interested in Emma's boring life and always steered the conversations in that direction. Her hesitance to reveal her address. Why she had insisted they stayed at Emma's place despite both knowing that Regina's house was much nicer.

What Emma didn't get was why Regina had initiated a romantic relationship with her. Because it was Regina who had initiated it. Sure, Emma had subconsciously been flirting back and the earrings had been a bit too much for their early stage of friendship, but _Regina_ had kissed _her_. Regina was the one who had crossed the line between friendship and romance.

Why? Because her husband was a dick? Or because he had one? But then why be with him in the first place? If he even was her husband. Emma felt a spark of hope ignite within her. Maybe it was her brother? Her father? Her cousin? No that didn't make sense, why would she live with any of those? Google, she needed Google.

…

Scratch that.

She hated Google. She hated that she hadn't done this research earlier. She hated herself for not being brave enough to ask about the bruises despite her feeling that something had been amiss all winter. She just...fuck!

"How's it going?" Ruby asked as she passed by on her way to the kitchen. "Any luck?"

Emma didn't answer. She just stared at the photograph of Regina on the arm of this... _man_. They were both immaculately dressed, a dress and a suit respectively, and smiling toward the camera. Polished, professional smiles. Emma gagged a little at the caption, _"CEO Leopold White with wife."_ The wife part – and impressive diamond rock on her finger – aside, she had a name? It was Regina? And she was supposed to be a businesswoman but Emma wasn't so sure anymore. What else had Regina been lying about?

Emma was suddenly so mad at her for lying, and at herself for not realizing it. There had been plenty of warning signs. How could she have missed them? Had she wanted to believe the lies so badly it had blinded her? Regina Mills she knew, but Regina White? It pained Emma to think that she might not know the real Regina at all. What was true and what was not? How could she tell? And more importantly, right now, what was she going to do?

"Are you okay?"

Emma looked up from her phone and saw Ruby's questioning expression turn into concern.

"Did you call her? Is something wrong?"

"She has a husband," Emma croaked, still struggling to wrap her mind around it. "All this time, she's been keeping that from me."

"Whoa, wait. What? How do you know?"

Emma showed her the picture.

"She and that ogre both live on the same address and have the same last name. It can't get more obvious than that."

"Crap."

"Crap, indeed."

A moment of silence followed. Neither woman knew what to say.

"Is it possible they're in the process of divorcing but that it hasn't gone through yet?" Ruby asked carefully.

Emma hadn't thought of that but she doubted it.

"Well, in that case she should've just been honest about it," she said through gritted teeth, getting angrier by the minute. "Guess I'll have to pay her a visit after work."

"Yeah, this calls for a discussion face to face," Ruby agreed and put her arm around her friend's shoulder and squeezed them slightly. "I'm so sorry, Emma. Finding out this way must be hard, as well. If you need a moment I think I'll manage on my own for a little while longer."

"Thanks, but I'd rather keep busy, actually."

"Yeah, sure," Ruby nodded as they walked back out to the seating area. "Whatever you need."

Answers. She needed answers. To hell with no questions! That deal was officially _off_. When she was done with work she drove straight to Mifflin Street and walked up to the door with clenched fists. She rang the doorbell and braced herself in case the Leopold dude would be the one to answer the door. Who knew how he would react? She probably shouldn't mess with him.

Some time passed and Emma restlessly shifted her weight. Was anyone even home? Maybe they were at work. She pressed the doorbell again and glanced around a bit. No car in sight but it might be parked in the garage, of course. Then the lock clicked and the door opened just a crack. Regina's anxious voice filtered through.

"Emma, what are you doing here?"

"We need to talk," Emma asserted, peering inside trying to get a glimpse of Regina.

"You can't be here. I'll...I'll call you."

"No, Regina, I want to talk _now_. Please open the door."

"Emma, you don't understand. You have to go."

"You're right, I don't understand. So maybe you should explain? I'd very much like the truth, for once."

It was harsh but Emma was honestly pissed off. She deserved an explanation. She deserved the truth. Regina grew silent and Emma waited for the door to open further. It didn't.

"This is ridiculous! Why won't you let me inside?" Emma said with growing frustration. "I can't even see you. Why are you hiding?"

"Please, just go," Regina pleaded. "There's no time..."

"Time for what?" Emma asked confusedly, her frustration now accompanied by worry. "To talk? If you're busy that's okay, but I'm getting all sorts of bad vibes from this. Can you at least let me see you? It feels weird talking through the door like this."

"No," came Regina's simple response. "I'll call you."

Then the door closed and Emma couldn't believe her eyes. She determinedly rang the doorbell again. A no was a no and she would leave, but she had one final thing to say first. She clenched her fists and ground her teeth as she waited. She would rather not have to do this but Regina left her no choice.

"Regina?"

The door opened again, although even less than before.

"Go away, Emma."

"This isn't some Disney movie!" Emma said exasperatedly. "I sure would be much happier if your secret was having magic, but it's not. I know about your husband. You don't want to talk right now? Fine! Then we're done. You and I, are over."

A beat. Two. Emma swallowed. Last chance to save this, she thought. If Regina would just open the door so they could talk.

Sadly, the door stayed in place and Regina stayed quiet.

"Goodbye, Regina," Emma said dejectedly and turned around with a lump in her throat.

She walked across the porch with heavy feet and strained her ears for any sign of Regina wanting to stop her retreat. Was this really the end? She couldn't believe it. Didn't want to. And the bruises? She couldn't just ignore them! But what was she supposed to do? Where was she supposed to go from here?

"Emma, wait!"

She almost threw herself back at the door, clinging to her last shred of hope that there was still a chance they could fix this.

"Yes?"

"You can come in but we'll have to make it quick. He could be back from work any minute and if he sees you here..."

"Oh," Emma finally understood. "Yeah, of cou-"

She swallowed the rest of the word upon entering the hallway and taking in Regina's appearance. She was still – or already – in her pajamas and had some serious bruising on her face, along with a significantly swollen bottom lip.

"Oh my God! What happened to you?" Emma exclaimed, her eyes wide with horror. "Are you okay? I mean, clearly you're not, but, like-"

"I'm fine," Regina tried to brush it off as she closed the door behind the blonde, but Emma didn't let herself be fooled so easily.

"Regina, have you seen yourself?!"

" _Fine_ ," Regina sighed. "I'm not...fine."

"So...?" Emma prompted her to elaborate. "What happened?"

Regina shifted uncomfortably, not meeting Emma's gaze, and Emma noticed the way her fingers seemingly subconsciously fidgeted with that stupid diamond ring of hers. Regina had never worn it in Emma's presence before so Emma wasn't sure if this was simply a nervous habit or a hint.

"I fell down the stairs," Regina mumbled, and Emma's eyes grew wide again.

"Shit _._ How do you feel? You didn't break anything, did you?"

She scrutinized Regina from head to toe but couldn't see anything that would suggest that kind of trauma.

"No. It was just a few steps, really. I do have a minor concussion, though, and I feel like I've been run over by a truck."

Regina attempted to smile but didn't succeed very well and Emma narrowed her eyes. If Regina truly had fallen down the stairs, then why did she look so guilty?

"So your husband had nothing to do with it?" she asked boldly, and the sudden panic in Regina's eyes said it all.

"No, w-why would he?"

"For God's sake, Regina, what did he do? I saw the bruises and marks on your arm yesterday. Why haven't you told me about him? It was him who'd done something to you that night I picked you up from the cafe, right? That's why you didn't want me to ask any questions. And that other time-"

"Emma, please," Regina said shakily, tears in her eyes and arms wrapped tightly around herself. "Stop."

"No," Emma coolly asserted. "Tell me. What did he do?"

"Nothing! He didn't... I don't..."

"Tell me. The truth."

"I can't."

"Goddammit!" Emma lost patience and raised her voice. "Just fucking tell me what happened!"

"I don't know," Regina sobbed, having shrunk back at Emma's sudden outburst. "I don't remember. One moment we're fighting and the next I'm throwing up in the car. Which he wasn't happy about, I'll tell you that. I swear, I only know what he told me! Oh God, Emma, please. You need to leave before he comes home."

Emma barely registered the tears that silently started to roll down her own cheeks, she was too focused on the distressed woman before her. Without a word she closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around Regina's smaller frame, her touch gentle to avoid hurting the brunette's already battered body. Regina resisted at first, rigid and shivering, but then relaxed into the embrace and put her own arms around Emma's waist as she cried onto her shoulder.

"It's gonna be okay," Emma soothed. "I'll go now and then we'll figure this out. Okay?"

Regina was still considerably agitated and merely nodded in response. She let go of Emma, who reluctantly took a couple of steps toward the door without breaking eye contact.

"I guess I'll see you, then?"

Regina nodded again.

"He keeps track of my calls, and apparently also my location, so if we can decide when and where to meet before you go that'd be great," she stated plainly, as if stating the weather. "I'd have to leave my phone behind and just pray he doesn't call me while I'm out."

"Regina, that is..."

Emma was at a loss for words.

"I know, don't get me started," Regina sighed, hopelessness in her eyes. "He keeps track of everything I do. I have to ask for money when I need it and God forbid the sums not matching up."

The naked wallet. The receipts, which she always wanted even though she had the same coffee every time and paid in cash. The pizzas, which Emma had offered to pay for with little resistance from Regina. She opened her mouth to comment on it but Regina put a silencing finger against Emma's parted lips.

"Not now," she admonished and retracted her hand.

"Gina..."

"When do you have time to meet?" Regina asked, ignoring Emma's pitying tone. "Leopold works a lot but very irregularly, and after yesterday it seems he doesn't want to tell me his hours anymore."

Hearing Regina say his name sent a shiver down Emma's spine. Nope, she didn't like it. Definitely not.

"I'm so sorry, Regina. I'm free, let's see... Wednesday?"

"I usually have Spanish class on Wednesdays but I can't show my face there as it is now. Maybe we could meet at the stables? There usually aren't many people there during lunch hours and Leopold knows I like to spend time there. He wouldn't suspect anything."

"You don't have work?" Emma tentatively asked, dreading the answer.

Regina froze, caught. She swallowed noticeably and averted her gaze.

"I, um... No."

Emma's stomach dropped. She wasn't surprised, she had pretty much expected this, but it still hurt to know that Regina had lied all this time. Heck, they had known each other for almost four months already.

"Well, the stables it is," Emma said, managing to almost sound cheerful. "I'm assuming it's the local riding club?"

"Yes," Regina replied, guilt still evident on her features. "At noon."

"At noon," Emma confirmed.

* * *

_She had been worried Regina wouldn't show up but her fear had thankfully been groundless. They had taken a walk in the nearby forest and talked things through. There had been so much to talk about now that Regina's lies had been_ _discovered._

* * *

"My mother made me marry for wealth," Regina began her story. "I know, it's the 21st century and it was essentially my own decision, but if you knew my mother you'd understand. She's very persuasive. I didn't feel like I had a choice. Additionally, since I'm not really into men I could've cared less about whom she paired me up with. I was never going to love the guy, anyway."

Emma let her hand slip into Regina's and gave it a comforting squeeze. She'd always felt sad for not having her parents with her but this made her rethink her wishes. Perhaps no parents was still better than an awful one.

"She's incredibly old-fashioned," Regina continued, keeping Emma's hand in a firm grip. "Her view on queer people has always been abhorrent and I never dared to come out. I'm still very much in the closet."

"Really?"

Regina nodded, blushing.

"Not that I haven't been with other women before. I mean, prior to my marriage I did meet a couple of girls, in secret," she admitted. "I just knew it could never mean anything, because my mother already had my life all thought out."

Regina continued to tell Emma about her upbringing, an only child who got pitied because she lacked a father figure since he passed away from a stroke at a young age. Perhaps that was what had made her gay, she'd thought for some time, until she had educated herself and knew better.

"At first I was devastated," Regina told Emma, gaze directed downward at the frozen dirt path they were following. "It meant there was no way of 'curing' me. But the more I read, the more I realised it wasn't anything that needed to be cured and I eventually made peace with it."

"That's great," Emma said before sharing her own very recent discoveries and struggles regarding her sexuality.

They had already talked about it some but not in detail.

"You said you met girls before the marriage," she said then, curiosity in her voice. "What about _during_ the marriage?"

"You're asking if I've cheated on my husband before," Regina smirked. "The answer is no, not until I met you. At first it was mainly due to my determination to be a good wife, I did swear on the bible to be faithful to him, but as time went on it became more like self-preservation. I couldn't afford getting caught and causing a scandal and as he grew more controlling, my fear of him grew, as well."

Emma would be lying if she said that she didn't feel a little satisfied over being the exception from the rule, but she also felt guilty for feeling that way.

"Why did you stay with him?"

"For the same reasons, basically. Financial security and fear. He's made sure I don't get anything in case of a divorce."

"Yikes."

"Yeah. And I've never really had a job, you know? My mother provided for me while I was still living with her and then I married young to a filthy rich man who preferred me to stay at home."

"That sounds both awful and awesome," Emma grimaced. "I've always struggled financially, growing up in the system and all. It's fairly okay right now but I can't eat out more than a few times a month or I struggle to pay rent."

"I'm sorry I couldn't pay for the pizzas. There were just too many reasons," Regina said apologetically and started to list said reasons. "I didn't know we were having them so I didn't have enough money on me. A receipt for two pizzas would've been suspicious, especially in that part of town, considering we do have a great pizzeria in my own neighbourhood. And lastly, he would've noticed the lack of used pizza cartons in the trash."

"Wow," Emma said. "Has he always been like this? I mean, your mother can't be in her right mind if she still wants you to be with him."

"No, he was quite nice in the beginning. I don't know if it counts as generosity when you have a bank account the size of a small island but he gave me a lot of presents, both jewellery, flowers, and other physical things and experiences like charters, a safari tour, spa treatments and whatnot. I felt like a princess. Except that I didn't love him, and he knew, but we still... I mean, it was part of a wife's duty."

"Oh God, say no more."

The mere thought made Emma feel queasy. And angry. Regina let out a melancholic sigh.

"I know. I do think he had, and still has, some kind of feelings for me but it sure isn't love anymore. In the beginning he worked rather hard to make me reciprocate his feelings and he didn't give up on it for the longest time. But somewhere along the way I think he realised it would never happen and changed tactics. Instead of trying to win my affections he started to put restrictions on who I was allowed to meet, and when. He became very jealous. It was subtle at first, I didn't even realise it was happening until my mother asked about it and I, as the fool I am, covered for him and explained it away."

"You're not a fool," Emma protested. "I've read about this kind of stuff. It creeps up on you."

"Yeah, well, it only got worse from there and now it's spiralled out of control. I barely recognize the man I once married. I mean, he's still _nice,_ most of the time, and always when other people are around. But sometimes when we're alone he just snaps and I'm suddenly not worth a dime. Anything can set him off. He makes the rules and I can never refuse him anything."

She made a brief pause in her speech.

"Including sex," she then added quietly.

Emma stopped abruptly, making Regina do the same via their joined hands. She couldn't listen to this anymore, it was breaking her heart and making her feel ill.

"So basically he's abusing you verbally, physically, and sexually, am I getting that right?"

Regina faltered a little before replying, her eyes on the ground.

"W-well, I... I guess," she stuttered.

Emma shut her eyes and took a deep breath. She needed to contain her anger and refrain from doing anything rash, because right now Leopold's head on a plate seemed like a good solution to their problems.

"Honestly, Regina, I don't want you to go back there. Not ever again," she asserted and drew Regina close. "I can't believe you let him do this to you."

Regina took a step back and regarded Emma with a wary look.

"Are you saying this is my fault?"

"What?" Emma said cluelessly before her own words registered with her. "Oh my God, no! Absolutely not. That's not what I meant."

She pulled Regina in for a soothing hug and noticed a few tiny snowflakes slowly dancing around them.

"I'm sorry," she apologized for her tactlessness. "It came out wrong. I'm just upset."

"For a moment I thought-" Regina began, her voice breaking.

"Thought what?"

Regina drew a shaky breath.

"That you were going to blame me, too."

Emma felt a pang of guilt in her chest and held Regina a little closer. While she didn't blame Regina for allowing the abuse to continue, she did wish she would've had the courage to leave him sooner.

"Who is blaming you?" she asked tentatively.

"The only person who knows. Well, except from you, now," Regina replied. " _He_ is."

"Oh."

She should've guessed. Of course he was. Regina then leaned out of their embrace and looked up the sky.

"It's snowing," she noticed, and Emma couldn't help to smile, despite everything.

"I know."

Right there and then, amidst the evergreen trees and scattered snowdrifts in the silent snowfall, their problems suddenly seemed blissfully distant. Regina appeared to feel the same way because her voice was full of wonder when she spoke.

"It's beautiful."

"So are you," Emma was quick to counter, admiring Regina's profile.

Regina let out a soft chuckle and turned her bruised face toward Emma.

"You think so?" she said playfully, but there was a sad tint to her words as she was fully aware of her current appearance.

"The fairest of them all," Emma assured her and placed an affectionate kiss on her cheek. "It'll heal."

"I suppose it will," Regina sighed and rested her forehead against Emma's. "I have a headache."

Emma furrowed her brows in concern. Regina was supposed to be in bed, resting that head of hers, not out on walks in the forest telling Emma her life story. But it had been necessary.

"We should get back, you need to rest," Emma decided and pushed Regina's raven hair back behind a reddening ear. "And no wonder you have a headache, you need to cover your ears. Be careful, or they might just fall off."

Regina smiled sheepishly at Emma's half-joking scold.

"Here," Emma said and put her hat on Regina's head and pulled it down over her ears.

"What about lice?" Regina asked, suppressing a smirk.

"Shush, you! I don't have lice."

Regina laughed and started to walk back toward the stables. Emma's heart swelled and she decided that Regina's laugh was her favourite sound in the world. She caught up to the brunette and took her hand, like before.

"Your hand is cold, too," she pointed out.

"Well, so is yours," Regina countered.

"We're terrible winter people," Emma declared, delighted when it drew another laugh from Regina. "I love your laugh."

She hadn't planned to say that, it just sort of fell out of her mouth, and she grew anxious when Regina didn't reply right away. Maybe she shouldn't have mentioned it. Then her hand was gripped tighter and warm, brown eyes melted her worries away.

"I love you."


	4. Now This Is The Truth, Just Me And You

Regina loved her.

Emma hadn't been prepared for such a declaration and fumbled speechlessly for words. Should she say it back? She couldn't. She wanted to, she really did, but it was way too soon and there was still so much they hadn't talked about. Months of lies couldn't be forgiven and forgotten just like that. She'd get there, she didn't doubt that, but she needed more than a few days. Regina must understand. Why had she said it now?

Emma felt bad when Regina cast down her eyes and faced forward again, clearly getting the hint. But what was she supposed to say? She wasn't going to say anything she wasn't ready to. Regina surely wouldn't want that, anyway. However, she should probably say _something_.

"Regina..." she began apologetically and brushed her thumb over Regina's knuckle.

"It's okay," Regina quickly assured her. "I get it."

Was she though? And did she? Emma tried not to sound too accusing when she replied, since she mostly understood Regina's reasons.

"I just wish you'd been honest from the beginning. With everything."

"If I'd been honest from the beginning, do you honestly think we would be where we are now?" Regina said defensively.

Of course not, without the lying they wouldn't be discussing the lying. Emma was tempted to point that out but she didn't want to fight. Though, if they were to argue about anything, it would probably be that.

"That's not the point," she said instead. "Don't you think I had the right to know what I was getting myself into? That you cheated on your husband with me? Your abusive husband who now pretty much knows where I live?"

Regina kept her gaze straight ahead and tensed her jaw, but stayed silent.

"When were you planning on telling me?" Emma questioned, then suddenly had an alarming thought. "Because you _were_ planning on telling me, right?"

"Of course!" Regina exclaimed, searching for her gaze. "I was just so afraid. You are the best thing that's ever happened to me, Emma, and I couldn't bear the thought of losing you."

Regina's features were laced with uncertainty and a kind of desperate longing Emma had only seen in movies before.

"I don't think you would've lost me, and you're not going to," Emma said to soothe the brunette. "As long as there are no more secrets, we're going to be fine."

"No more secrets," Regina agreed with a small nod.

They walked in silence for a while, side by side, both lost in thought. When they spotted the stables ahead, Emma voiced a question she'd been pondering over for the last couple of days.

"Why Mills?"

"It's my maiden name," Regina explained. "My name before _him_."

Emma nodded thoughtfully.

"I like it. _Regina_ _Mills_. And hey, soon you'll have it back, right?"

Regina gave a tight-lipped smile.

"Yes."

* * *

_Regina hadn't followed Emma home that day. Leopold would've found her in no time and she'd said she needed time to plan and prepare. Which had been fine, and totally understandable. But as the days had passed by without any change, Emma had started to grow impatient. Somewhere inside of her a_ _seed_ _of doubt had been sown._

* * *

A week. She hadn't seen Regina in a week. The day at the stables they had agreed it was safer to refrain from seeing each other until after the divorce. The practical one, anyway, since the actual legal one would take months, if not longer. Emma tried not to think too much about that. One step at the time. First, Regina had to leave him.

She didn't seem to be in a hurry about that, though, and Emma had a hard time to understand what was taking so long. If it were up to her, Regina would already be far, far away from Leopold White. But aside from the procrastination, Emma didn't have any reason to doubt Regina's words. She had said she loved her and she had said she would leave her husband.

Because of this, it came as quite the shock for Emma to see both Mr. and Mrs. White walk through the cafe door at ten a.m. that Thursday. They were too fancily dressed to fit in with the other customers and, frankly, too fancy for the small cafe in general. When it had been only Regina it hadn't seemed overly odd but now it definitely did. People like them simply didn't come to a dump like this. What was he doing here? Checking on his wife? Emma couldn't think of any other explanation, unless Regina hadn't totally screwed her over and was trying to rub in her face that she was already in a relationship.

It still hurt, though, to see her walk in with his arm around her back. To see the look he gave her, and the look she gave him in return. Emma gagged a little at their couply behaviour and it took all of her resolve to stay behind the counter and take their order with a polite smile. Completely dishonest, but polite. Regina stood slightly behind her husband as he – unsurprisingly – paid for them both, and for the first time since entering the cafe she looked at Emma like she knew her.

For a moment Regina's eyes were sad and apologetic, silently conveying that this hadn't been her idea. Emma noticed she had done a good job with covering the remaining bruises on her face. Someone who didn't know about them would never guess. But Emma knew and she let her gaze linger on the brunette for a moment longer than she probably should have.

"She's beautiful, isn't she?"

Emma snapped her eyes back toward Leopold and handed him the receipt with a racing heart. How the hell was she supposed to respond to that?

"Uh," she faltered and glanced briefly at Regina, who had paled notably under her makeup. "Yeah, she is."

"Aren't I the lucky one," Leopold said, his lips smiling but his hard gaze sending shivers down Emma's spine.

"Very lucky, indeed," she agreed, making an effort to sound lighthearted.

He put a ten-dollar bill on the counter without breaking eye contact and she didn't dare to look away, either. She just wished he would leave as quickly as possible so she could shake off her discomfort.

"Have a good day," he said and grabbed his and Regina's coffee to go. "Swan."

Then he finally turned around and Regina hesitated for only a second before following him, head bowed. Emma let out a sigh of relief when the door closed behind the couple and looked at the bill on the counter with disgust. She didn't want to even touch it. It had come from the creep who happened to be married to her girlfriend and also apparently knew her last name. Both these issues were concerning, to say the least.

"What was that about?" Ashley's confused voice sounded from behind. "Did he just tip you ten dollars for a couple of takeaway coffees?"

"It appears he did," Emma replied tersely and turned around to regard her colleague with a strained smile. "Would you excuse me for a minute? I need to, um... I just need a minute."

"Yes, of course. Is everything okay?"

It wasn't. Her stomach tightened with unease as she tried not to think about what Leopold might do to Regina now that he knew, now that they all knew. It didn't really matter how he did, someone in his position surely had his methods, but she still wondered. Had he been watching her? Maybe even following her? Or perhaps he had done nothing of the sort, instead relying purely on search engines and – inaccessible for the public – employee records. Who knew?

"It'll be fine," she said with a dismissive shrug, forcing the worry from her face and hoping for her words to be true. "But if that man comes back here I'll be the first to know, alright?"

"Sure," Ashley nodded, her forehead now creased with concern.

Emma quickly slipped back into the cafe's sorry excuse for a breakroom and sank down between her and Ashley's bags on the shabby loveseat. She didn't want to get the other blonde involved in all of this but she wanted to talk to someone. _Needed_ to talk to someone. She didn't feel safe anymore.

She hesitated with her thumb hovering over the call button. Perhaps she was overreacting? But then again, perhaps she wasn't. Determined, she pressed the button and pressed the phone to her ear. Ruby picked up after a couple of rings.

"Hey! What's up?"

Emma immediately found comfort in the cheery voice of her friend and relaxed a little. Her own voice, on the other hand, was unusually meek as she answered.

"Hey," she said and thought about how to best breach the subject. "I need to talk to you."

"I figured that's the reason you called," Ruby said jokingly but there was also a serious hint to her tone, a subtle way of showing that she knew something was amiss. "Spill."

So, Emma told her everything. From the almost breakup and confessions of abuse to kisses in the snowfall and Leopold's visit to the cafe. Her fears and doubts. She took a deep breath an exhaled slowly once she was done. It felt good to have it all off her chest. She hadn't really spoken to Ruby about Regina since before finding out about the staircase incident and she certainly hadn't talked to anyone else about it.

To Emma's relief, Ruby was understanding. Concerned, but supportive, and not judging either Emma nor Regina for any of their actions.

"What can I do for you? Do you want me to look into support groups or legal guidance?"

"That would be much appreciated," Emma said gratefully, then started to tap her fingers against her thigh as she grew anxious again. "And do you mind to, uh, maybe stay over tonight? Just tonight. I don't think it's very likely he'll come banging on my door but I'd feel safer if I wasn't alone."

"Of course, Emma! Just tell me when you want me to come over, I'm having a lazy day."

"Thanks, Rubes. I really appreciate it."

* * *

_They had spent the evening in front of Emma's laptop, bookmarking_ _valuable_ _webpages and discussing how to best give the information to Regina. Ruby had offered to deliver it, deeming it safe since Leopold – in the unfortunate case he was home – wouldn't recognize her. While Emma hadn't been overly keen on the idea, she'd agreed that they didn't have much of an option. There hadn't been any other way to get in touch with Regina, which had also prompted Ruby's next idea._

_An extra cell phone._

* * *

"Hi?" Emma said breathlessly.

"Hi."

It felt strange to hear Regina's voice over the phone. Strange, but _so_ good. Emma laid back onto her pillow and let out a contented sigh.

"I guess the phone works alright? It's a bit simple but I figured calls and texts were the most important features."

"Yes, thank you. I'll pay you back...someday."

"Don't worry about it," Emma brushed it off. "How are you? It was pretty intense yesterday."

"Yeah," Regina sighed. "I'm so sorry about that. I had no idea that he knew. I would've warned you he was coming to the cafe but I didn't dare to in case he would check my phone."

"It's okay," Emma said, though she was still quite rattled by the experience. "But now you have a way to contact me, in case you need it. Or want it. It doesn't have to be an emergency."

She tried to sound cheery but really she wanted to ask _when?_ She wanted to know how much longer she would have to wait before things could get better. Because they were going to get better, once Regina left the source to her unhappiness. It was certainly going to get better.

"How's the planning going?"

It was as indirect as she could be but, honestly, not that indirect. The line grew quiet, only the faint sound of Regina's breathing filtering through.

"Regina, are you still there?" she asked after a while.

"I'm here," Regina replied hoarsely and cleared her throat, but didn't speak further.

The seed of doubt within Emma was quickly sprouting into a young crop with Regina's lack of words, her lack of reassurance that she would do as they had decided. Emma closed her eyes and focused on her own breathing for a few moments to center herself.

"If there's a problem, I want you to tell me," she said, wanting to make a few points very clear. "You know I'll come pick you up at any time of the day and we'll leave without looking back. The only thing you need to do is to tell me when, the rest we can figure out on the go."

Still only breathing on the other end of the line. Quicker now, shallower. Emma clenched her free hand into a fist, clutching her duvet.

"It's time to be strong, Regina," she asserted with fervour. "It's time to take your life back."

"But what if I'm not strong?" Regina finally spoke, her voice barely above a whisper. "What if I'm weak?"

"Then be weak, and let me be strong for you."

Emma felt a tightness in her chest, the anxiousness for Regina's reply manifesting itself physically.

"I can't."

The tightness grew unbearable as the familiar sensation of tears burned behind her eyes. She couldn't believe she'd let herself be fooled again. Love. What was love? Clearly she wasn't lovable enough for anyone to _really_ care for her. Not important enough. Not good enough. People could tell her they loved her all they wanted, but in the end actions spoke louder than words. She had just been so sure that Regina was different. She still felt it. But if Regina wasn't going to leave Leopold, they couldn't be together. So, she must've been wrong about her.

"I don't know what to say," she said quietly, her voice void of emotion and her chest now so constricted it felt as if her heart was beating in concrete.

"Emma, I'm sorry."

And _fine_ , maybe she was sorry, but how could she have deceived Emma like this? Had she just needed to get away and now when things got serious she'd rather return to her cage, where she knew what to expect even though it made her miserable? Change was hard, and scary. Emma knew that. But enough to outweigh the supposed love Regina felt for her? Enough to outweigh her love for _herself_?

But of course, that love might be destroyed from years of abuse. Emma couldn't give up. Regina needed her. She deserved better. No one should ever have to accept to be treated the way she was being treated.

"It doesn't matter," Emma said with sudden determination. "It hurts, it does, and I don't understand why you would say that you love me only to go and break my heart a few days later. But I'll still be here for you, Regina. You _need_ to leave him and I will support you through that no matter what."

"Oh Emma, you fool."

Her heart skipped a beat at Regina's loving tone and she hated herself for how easily hope flitted back into her heart. But this was _Regina_ , and Emma was slowly realizing that she loved her more than she had ever thought was possible to love another human. She might not be ready to express it in words, but she _felt_ it, and frankly, it scared her. She didn't know how far she was willing to go to protect Regina, if the situation demanded it. Even if Regina didn't fully reciprocate her feelings.

"It's _because_ I love you I have to stay," Regina began, and Emma frowned at the twisted logic. "He's threatened to hurt you too, Emma. And I don't doubt that he would, he usually follows through with his threats."

The concrete in her chest was cracking open around her now swelling heart and the tears that hadn't fallen before made a new attempt to wet her pale skin. This didn't exactly boost her sense of security – she seriously considered to ask Ruby to stay the full weekend, or better, ask to stay at Ruby's – but it effectively erased her doubts regarding Regina's feelings toward her.

"I never thought..." Regina continued, her voice faltering. "I gave up on leaving this marriage a long time ago. It was never really an option for me and I didn't expect to ever...meet someone like you. I never thought I'd find something real."

"But it can't be real," Emma felt awful for pointing out. "As long as you stay with him we can't have anything real."

"I know," Regina whimpered, her voice choked up from withheld tears. "It's just... If he harms you in any way I couldn't live with myself. It's safer this way."

"No! That's not how we do this."

Emma jumped out of bed and started a frantic search for clean clothes. She would fix this. They would find a way. Regina still loved her and Emma wasn't going to let this horrible man stand in the way of their happiness, not now when she knew they had a chance at it.

"There must be something the police can do? Have you ever spoken to them?" she wondered, picking up a pair of skinny jeans that were _clean_ _enough_.

"What do you think?" Regina mumbled.

"Okay, then I'll call-" Emma began, only to be cut off by a forceful " _NO!_ " from Regina. "But I'll just ask them-"

"Emma Swan, you _do_ _not_ call the police!"

Emma stilled in her hopeless attempts to get into the jeans with just one hand and sat down on her bed. This was a side of Regina she wasn't familiar with. But she kinda liked it.

"Good," she said appreciatively and could almost feel the other woman's confusion through the phone. "Just direct that fierceness toward your husband and we're good to go."

There was a deep sigh on the other end of the line.

"They will never believe you, you know? He has connections everywhere and they would take his side in this. Since I won't get much money if we divorce, this would be my only chance of getting some."

"But how would they explain away the bruises?" Emma wondered.

"Bruises fade, dear. Besides, I could've gotten them from anything. It's his word against mine. For all they know I could very well have caused them myself, or been into it."

"Been into...?" Emma started questioningly but stopped as she realized what Regina meant. "Oh."

"I can't win," Regina said in defeat. "We can't win."

"Yes, we can," Emma argued, refusing to give up. "I believe in you, Regina. I'm sure that if you just walk out that door, and we report him to the police, things won't get as bad as you think they will. What's your biggest fear with leaving? What do you think he'll do?"

Regina was quiet for a while and Emma patiently waited for her reply. Maybe if they talked about it Regina would realize that her fears were exaggerated.

"I don't know, Emma. That is what scares me the most. I don't know what he would do. He could ruin your future, or he could..."

She trailed off.

"He could what?" Emma gently prodded.

"He could take it away completely."

Emma reeled at the mere suggestion.

"You think he'd kill me?" she questioned, the words foreign on her lips. "As much as that thought scares me, do you _really_ think he'd do that? I mean, to threaten to hurt someone is one thing, but to actually _do_ it, to actually _end_ someone's _life_..."

"Oh Emma, I don't know! I just know that I don't want to take the risk and find out!"

Emma's brain was working on top speed, searching for a solution for this seemingly unsolvable problem. She was getting tired of her arguments failing to change Regina's mind. There had to be something they hadn't thought of yet.

"What if I got a gun? Would you feel safer?"

She had never herself owned a gun but one of her numerous foster fathers had. When she had asked about it, mostly curious but a little wary, he had sat her down and given a speech about being able to protect one's family. Then he had showed her how to hold it, explained how it worked, and stressed the importance of always keeping the barrel pointed downwards, _never_ at anyone. Despite his speech the gun hadn't protected her from being kicked out of that home a year later, but it _would_ have protected her against, let's say, revenge-seeking creeps.

"A...gun...?" Regina faltered.

"Yeah, a gun. It shouldn't be too hard? This is America, after all."

As far as Emma was concerned she shouldn't have much of a problem with getting one. It felt strange to consider buying a weapon but the more she thought about it, the more she grew convinced that this was their solution.

"Emma, no," Regina gently protested. "That's a bad idea."

Well, at least Emma's solution, then.

"I think it's a terrific idea," she declared. "To be fair, it would make _me_ feel a lot safer."

"What about money? They don't come for free," Regina pointed out, trying to talk Emma out of this impulse purchase.

She was right, they didn't come for free. But surely there must be guns in different price ranges? Poor people needed protection, too. She wasn't even poor, she had an apartment and a job and her only problem for the moment was a certain male with greying hair and an intense gaze, namely Leopold White. She wouldn't call him a man, he stopped being that the moment he laid a hand on Regina.

"Yeah, well, I guess I'll have to use some of my savings," she said and shrugged, even though Regina couldn't see her.

"I still think it's a bad idea," Regina said after a moment of silence. "Do you even know how to handle a gun? What if you hurt yourself!"

"I won't! Have some faith in me. I'll be careful."

It wasn't like she was going to hunt Leopold down and fill his chest with lead. Hopefully, she wouldn't have to ever use the gun. Or, like, threaten to do it. Perhaps she wouldn't even put bullets in it because how would any offender with a quick glance in a heated moment be able to tell whether it was loaded or not? It would simply bring a sense of security to have it within reach.

Regina sighed tiredly, her frustration carrying over the phone with the exhale, but before they could argue further Emma heard her draw a sharp breath.

"He's home."

The call disconnected before Emma had a chance to reply and she found the sudden silence daunting. She hoped that Leopold wouldn't notice any change in Regina, that he wouldn't find the phone. Regina better hide it well.

* * *

_She'd gotten a text from Regina later that day and she had read with slight guilt settling in her stomach._

" _Don't buy a gun, Emma. Give me the weekend."_

_It had been too late._

_But she had never regretted her purchase, never regretted getting a weapon. It had made certain legal matters more complicated, for sure, but it had been worth it for that single use. Worth it to feel a little less terrified against what would meet her on the other side of the door at 108 Mifflin Street that Sunday afternoon._

* * *

Regina was calling. Finally.

Bracing herself, not entirely sure what kind of conversation she should expect, Emma picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

She had anxiously waited through most of the weekend, checking her phone every five seconds and keeping her new firearm close. _With_ bullets, she had ultimately decided. She'd been browsing the Internet for information and guides on how to use it and was planning to take a proper beginner's course sometime in the near future. It was actually kind of exciting. She felt empowered by it.

"I-I... I did it," Regina stuttered, her distressed tone immediately having Emma's stomach in knots.

"You did...? Did you leave him?" Emma asked, hopeful and apprehensive all at once.

"N-no, I..." Regina began falteringly and proceeded to try to explain through shaky breaths, failing to make much sense to Emma.

The blonde felt helplessness spread through her body like a poison, paralyzing her, until she remembered that there were ways she could fight this. Her hand flew to the holster at her belt, where her pistol rested safely. There were ways she could help Regina. Protect her. _Save_ her from this tragic fate.

"Regina, what happened? Did he find out you were leaving?" she tried to interrupt the other woman's incoherent stammering.

"H-he's downstairs, I-I... Oh God..."

Emma was already halfway to her door and didn't even try to calm the furious hammering in her chest. If Leopold had hurt Regina again, if he was _about_ _to_ hurt her again, she would... She would... God! She knew she was thinking irrationally – or was she, really? – but right now she just wanted to put a bullet between his steely eyes.

"I'm calling the police," she informed Regina through gritted teeth, the phone pressed between her cheek and shoulder as she struggled to tie her boots.

Fucking shoelaces!

"I'm coming to get you, Regina. I'll call you back as soon as I've talked to the police. Stay put, okay?"

She thought she heard some sort of affirmative answer and was about to end the call when a sudden fear took hold of her. Maybe this was the last she would heard from Regina. She couldn't be sure that Leopold wouldn't cross that final line and... She couldn't be _sure_.

So she said it. For the first time in earnest to someone, she said it. Three little words, stumbling over her lips in an urgent huff of air.

"I love you."

Regina managed a shaky "oh Emma" before taking a shuddering breath.

"I love you too."

* * *

_Regina loved her. And she loved Regina. That was all that mattered, wasn't it? That was all that really mattered._

* * *

The police had said they would send someone over and told Emma to wait for them. She wasn't supposed to enter the house and intervene. But what other choice did she have when Regina didn't pick up again? When Emma, sitting in her yellow bug staring at the golden _one_ _zero_ _eight_ across the street, only got incessant signals echoing ominously in her head?

"This is bullshit!" she cursed and stepped out of her car, using her anger to suppress her exponentially increasing fear as she crossed the street.

Her palm was sweaty against the handle of her gun as she took it out, not quite daring to switch the safety off. She knocked hard on the door and rang the doorbell several times in rapid succession but soon realised no one was going to open for her.

She dug through her jacket pockets and set her jaw determinedly when she found what she was looking for. Two bobby pins. She had learned the skill as a teenager, mostly looking for mischief, and after misplacing the keys to her apartment at several occasions she had simply started carrying bobby pins around in most of her jackets. As wicked as fate was she hadn't lost her keys even once since starting this habit but at least they came in handy now.

The pistol briefly rested back in its holster while Emma bent each pin into the right shape and proceeded to quietly pick the lock. When the cylinder turned she licked her lips and swallowed nervously. Time to go in. Time to switch the safety off. Or maybe that wasn't wise since her hands were pretty shaky. She did it anyway but made sure to keep her finger off the trigger.

"Hello?" she called out once inside, her voice cutting through the eerie silence like a sharp-egged blade.

It was then she noticed the blood. Crimson stains on the ground, leading out of – or possibly into – the kitchen. Regina might already have been injured when she called, which meant the reason for her not picking up could be...

Emma slowly moved her index finger to rest lightly on the trigger, her jaw tense.

"Show yourself!" she demanded and moved toward the kitchen. "I'm armed!"

Deciding to go against the police's instructions had been stupid, she realized that now. She didn't know what would meet her in the kitchen and she had no real experience with firearms. What was she even doing? What if he was armed, too? Surely some weapon must've been used to cause this amount of blood loss and she wasn't sure how she was supposed to handle that kind of confrontation. What had she been thinking, taking this on by herself? What if he was standing behind her right now and she hadn't noticed because all her focus had been directed forward?

She spun around to scan the empty space behind her but there was no one there. Maybe she had seen too many thrillers. She turned back and took the final steps toward and into the kitchen, both hands on her gun to keep it steady, but she wasn't quite prepared for the sight that met her.

"Oh God," she mumbled and lowered her weapon.

She suddenly realized the reason for the odd, metallic smell that had been present since she entered, only that she hadn't really paid attention to it until now. Leopold, the person responsible for years of Regina's suffering, was lying in a pool of smeared blood on the kitchen floor. Finally paying for his sins, Emma thought, but it wasn't supposed to have happened like this. She switched the safety back on and holstered her gun. There was no need for it anymore.

On the kitchen counter, dinner preparations had been abandoned. A blood-tainted chef's knife was lying on the floor a few feet away from Leopold, whose once light-blue shirt was now stained maroon from an ugly slash in the back. Judging by the amount of blood, Emma imagined his front had several similar slashes and she was glad he was lying on his stomach, facing away from her, so she didn't have to see it.

With cautious movements, trying to avoid making an even worse mess, she walked up to the body on the floor on shaky legs. She didn't want to look at him, smell him, _touch_ him, but she had to make sure. Swallowing hard and trying to control her increasingly frantic breathing she leaned down and put two fingers against his neck. _Nothing._ She swallowed again. Leopold was both taller and stronger than Regina and if he looked like this, if he was _dead_ , what state could she possibly in? Emma's eyes widened in horror as she thought about it.

She slowly straightened and backed away, now panting heavily. There was blood, so much blood. Too much, she thought, to be from only one person.

"Regina?" she called breathlessly, as if the air had suddenly run out of oxygen.

There was no answer so she tried louder.

"Regina!"

With her heart pounding she searched the elegant house, following the trail of red stains up the stairs like a bloodhound. The door she ended up in front of had a small WC sign on it, blood smeared on the handle, but – strangely – no lock. There was no lock on the bathroom door. Emma knocked urgently on the dark wood.

"Regina? It's just me," she called as reassuringly as she could manage. "He's... He's gone."

When there was still no answer she opened the door, and her stomach churned at the sight.

"No," she breathed out.

Huddled up in the corner of the shower sat a small figure, her face drained of colour and her eyes closed. They couldn't be closed, not with all the deep red on her clothes and hands and _neck_ -

"No no no, Regina!"

Emma was by her side in two big strides, gathering her in her arms and finally letting go of all the tension and tears she'd been holding back while trying to keep it all together earlier. But Regina stirred in her embrace, very much alive, and soiled hands reached out, gripping at Emma's jacket and pulling her closer.

"You're here."

The violent sobs that racked Emma's body eased when she heard Regina's voice and her tears became ones of relief rather than agony.

"I thought you were dead!" she said and pulled back, raking her eyes over the unusually pale Latina. "You're hurt."

"I'm fine," Regina smiled weakly and Emma had to resist her impulse to groan and pinch the bridge of her nose.

"You're obviously not fine, I wish you'd stop saying that when you're clearly not."

Regina firmly shook her head.

"He was too weak, he couldn't..." she faltered, fear seeping into her gaze. "He tried to strangle me but I..."

"You used the knife?" Emma tried to fill in the rest.

"I-I..." Regina stuttered, and Emma pulled her in for another hug.

"Shh, it's gonna be okay. It was self-defense."

"No."

Emma recoiled as if she'd been slapped in the face. Her mind blanked and she almost didn't register the police entering the house. Regina had killed Leopold, that was hard enough to digest. But murdered? Regina wasn't a murderer.

"No?" Emma said incredulously and searched Regina's colourless face for clues.

"No," Regina confirmed, her stare turning empty. "I just... I knew I could never leave him."

She suddenly felt like a stranger to Emma.

"So you just stabbed him out of nowhere? What are you gonna tell the police?"

"Not much to tell," Regina mumbled, not denying the scenario Emma had proposed. "My fingerprints are everywhere and I'm covered in his blood."

She looked like she was going to be sick and Emma could relate to that feeling, she really could. Everything was falling apart. She felt Regina start to tremble slightly and despite the other woman's reassurances, Emma knew that she was – if not physically hurt – severely shaken by what she had just experienced.

"But you'll go to prison," she said softly, moving a few stray stands of raven hair from Regina's face. "For years."

Regina gave her a pained look and they both heard one of the officers ascend the stairs.

"Just wait for me, okay?" Regina said with tears in her eyes, the tremble in her voice matching the one of her body. "It'll be worth it, if you wait. Then we can finally be together, for real."

Emma shut her eyes, trying to block it all out. How had this happened? Where had they gone wrong? She thought back to that day in November. What if Regina hadn't come to the cafe? What if Emma hadn't paid for her coffee? What if Regina hadn't paid her back? What if she hadn't kissed her? What if Emma hadn't seen the bruises? What if, what if, what if...?

She wasn't sure how she felt anymore. Or rather, she knew what she felt but wasn't sure if it was the right thing to feel. Regina had killed someone and it hadn't been in self-defense. That kind of action changed a person, Emma wasn't naive enough to think everything would be the same after this. In fact, the whole point with this _was_ change and had been from the beginning. It just wasn't supposed to have ended with death.

But the important parts of Regina, the ones she loved, the core. Those would still be the same, right? She was still _Regina_?

"Emma?"

Regina's voice was barely above a whisper but held so much apprehension it hurt Emma physically. She opened her eyes, footsteps approaching the bathroom now.

Regina looked ready to break and Emma knew that she would, if she said no. Then it would all have been for nothing. But that was not what she wanted to say. It wasn't at all.

* * *

_There had been a woman who would regularly visit the cafe, alone, just to sit and slowly sip on a cup of coffee. She would always order the same type of coffee, often stay long after finishing her cup, and Emma clearly remembered the first day they had spoken beyond_ _courtesies._ _She just as clearly remembered the day she went to prison for manslaughter._

_But Emma would wait. Of course she would wait. All five years if she had to._

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo, here we are. I (thankfully) don't have personal experience with abuse of any kind so my knowledge is limited to stories from other people and the Internet. As always, I did some some research, and I hope I did these issues at least somewhat justice!
> 
> The song that sparked this idea back in April was "Kill My Boyfriend" by Natalia Kills. Go have a listen if you like, there's even a Swan Queen video! :p [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELoUy2NXIbs](url)
> 
> And oops, forgot to tell, the fic title and chapter titles are from the song Take Me Away - Danceboy (Paradise in You)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Hold Onto Me](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10546984) by [Idisch_von_Swedish](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Idisch_von_Swedish/pseuds/Idisch_von_Swedish)




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